... just keep on reaching....

... have you ever felt like you want to just run away and hide from all the horrible stuff you are dealing with? I hate how the dysfunction that surrounds me pulls me down... can I just shake the dust off my sandals and leave?
Medicating is a new word I am hearing... it's when someone dealing with trauma and grief just wants to numb himself... thanks to God the only " addiction" I have is to "Kinder Bueno"....not good for my tummy but not mind altering...I thank God for making me stronger than that, stronger than having to flood my brain with alcohol or drugs, stronger than having to throw myself into a new relationship for some illusion of security... I am thankful that He is REAL to me, more meaningful than any disappointment inflicted by lost and fallen people, people that even though they should have my best interest in mind can only see themselves ( and no, I am not talking about my EX-husband)...I am just so very very thankful that 16 years ago after praying to God for 6 months and begging Him to reveal Himself to me He did....and now I have the mind, strength, power, peace and joy of Christ in me... never to disappoint me ever... Wow...
Okay, so now I already don't want to run away anymore... I marvel at His love and grace... I love Him for who He is... the fog is lifting once again, not the first time in the last few days... I can see Him clearly... the smile He has in His face... actually His eyes are smiling with a love that we can never ever see here on earth.. and it makes me smile, smile through the tears... smile back at Him...
and I keep on reaching... when my destiny is out there in the distance...but the road ahead is a mine field in disguise.. and you keep on moving... you will make it through this... just give it time, you gotta give it time..This is what you're made for, standing in the Downpour, knowing that the sun will shine, forget what lies behind you, heaven walks beside you... YOU GOT TO GIVE IT ONE MORE TRY....
( Michael W. Smith.. One more try  / Wonder )