...remember, it is May 2009... during the MWS concert...the song "Deep in love with You"...I can't resist the tenderness of You... My Father in Heaven... tenderness?? I thought Holiness, Sovereignty, Power...Tenderness.. really? My heart it beats for you...you're the Lover of my soul.....
They came back... our pastor friends... out for Dinner my friend challenged both my husband and me, saying that she felt that God was saying to us if we both repented from our pride and stopped sinning against each other we could have a great marriage...
Hmmmm, I walked away not quite understanding where there was pride in me in my relationship with my husband.. we got together, just her and me and tried to figure out what that could mean... I did want to figure this out, I didn't want to contribute to the miserable battle field our marriage was.
After a long conversation I went home with the "assignment" to pray through 1 Cor 13 and ask God to show me where I was not loving my husband the way I should....
I didn't do it... not until July, after coming home from a cottage vacation that was the most miserable one yet.....
But when I finally did...what surprise and devastation... oh how I had failed...patient? no, kind? seldom , easily angered? for sure, always trusts? I couldn't.... As my Father TENDERLY convicted me of my sin I broke down and repented...as I did, He was faithful and changed my heart right there and then, as I saw myself in the light I was able to see my husband with God's eyes...not his shortcomings and failures, but rather his potential and his efforts and his good will... I was even more amazed at the love my Father had for me, over all those years, as I was hurt by my husband, I would run to Him and even though He was always aware what my part in this was He never rebuked me but lovingly picked me up and gave me the strength and joy I needed to be able to go on...no " you better first straighten up yourself, young lady, then I will give you what you need"....not at all, rather.."I love you and I am giving you all you need, I also will show you what you are doing wrong only when the time is right"...... what grace, what love... my heart was full to overflowing with gratitude.. and hope, hope to finally have found the key to make this relationship work....
What I didn't know was that at the same time God was changing my heart around, my husband was "consuming" the relationship he had been hiding from me for over a year...to be continued...
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