....Held....

Usually when I start writing, I kind of know where I am going...tonite, I just felt I had to write, I am hoping it will make sense in the end.
Today was the big move... the "old" house, or should I call it "matrimonial home" is now empty...tomorrow we will sign the papers for the sale at the lawyers and the closing is on Monday...
Many have asked me how I was feeling, and was it hard...well, today was another manifestation of what happened 7 months and 20 days ago...the end of our family, our marriage.....so in a way, because I / we have been living this for this time, it was not that hard... and then again it was... because today it just hit me in the face once more, the finality of it....
The good part is that we, as we were both packing and sorting and getting rid of stuff over the last few days were able to relate as we have the last few months, as friends, no negative feelings but a new found friendship.....

I realized this morning that the quality of the relationship that we have now has to do with the fact that there are no longer any big expectations involved that could be disappointed... that's the key...
Anyways, long story short, another chapter of this, the story of the bigger part of my adult life has been written... very soon, the book will be finished...
It is bitter sweet..... bitter, because it just not meant to be that way, sweet because of the good that my Daddy is bringing out of it..... learning to live with these two thing constantly going on at the same time has been challenging and rewarding..
A little story about today... as we were sitting in our basement on the couch for the last time this morning a question I asked and the answer made me all of a sudden very emotional / sad... and I had to leave to not loose it... as I was driving to Goodwill to drop off some stuff I was listening to my fav song from Natalie Grant and I was crying bitterly.... but like it has already become a habit... I snuggled up on my Daddy's chest for a moment right where the head fits so wonderfully in... and I felt so loved and so secure, like never before in my life... I got it together after that and the rest of the day went by uneventful
Tonight my girls plus their boyfriends went to see a musical with their Dad and his girlfriend... and surprisingly I am totally fine with that... so... once again, God is so good,.... He loves us... isn't that just so amazing.....