...sincere love and unity of spirit....

...up early... or should I say in the middle of the night...
praying about what God has been teaching me and my cell group in the last couple of weeks..
unity... accountability question for last week:
I have sincere love for and unity of spirit with each person connected with my church..... HUGE...
when prayerfully considering this question I had to admit that this was not the case...
I have no "real" issue as in unforgivness or conflict with anyone, but, there are a few people I just don't like... they rub me the wrong way... I am not even avoiding them, they are not that close... but I do NOT have sincere love for them..
no worries, I would say maybe there are 3 people I know that would fit that category...
now, as I was praying about that I wondered what it would be that I have to do other than ask God to forgive me and give me that love for these people..
He is a great and wonderful God and when we come to Him with a sincere heart He for sure is going to answer these kind of prayers...
for 2 out of the 3 He showed me that there was one specific thing that had bugged me way back and I had never dealt with it..
I still believe that this is not a matter that needs to be addressed with the person, but it needs to be addressed between me and God...
one of the issues did not even have anything to do with me but I took on a hurt that I perceived was done to  someone .. and again, not close to the person at all, but I "self righteously" couldn't believe this person was doing this.....
wow, I have to say, He is passionate about unity when after at least 8 years or so He brings to mind something that happened in the periphery of my life... it never touched my life.. but I had judged...

in another bible study I am doing I just read another chapter on insecurity and how pride is a big factor in leading us to insecurity.. very interesting concept... pride is always at the core of a judgemental spirit... and so in the case of this one woman in my church that I cannot say without manipulating the truth at least a bit that I love her with a sincere love, I judged because I would have never done this..
funny how I would not allow myself to think this way ever without stopping myself and considering that I, by the grace of God might I not do this specific thing but am guilty of other things that this person
"would NEVER do"... then I usually let it go and thank God for forgiving me for my stuff and let the other of the hook..
either in this one case I wasn't quite there yet or... what probably happened was it was something that just was so minor and removed it didn't even show up on my radar screen...
well, He brought it to mind and I need to confess.. I need to make things right between my God and me and I will ask Him if this is a matter I have to bring before the lady involved or if I just need to let it go..
I am counting on Him to be faithful in this matter...

Unity IS so very very important to Him... maybe this is why I am up at this hour and not sleeping anymore but rather trying to process an event from long ago... that really had nothing whatsoever to do with me...
gotta love Him...

...Remembering the Sacrifice...

... I am an extrovert,   just by one percent though... so, I am also an introvert... I am upbeat and bubbly, but also prone to sadness..
today, as the first snow is falling I am listening to "Prayer for Taylor" on the CD Freedom by Michael W Smith.. and the tears are rolling down my face... a steady stream...
sadness for all those fallen... sadness for what is going on around me.. too close for comfort some of it.., sadness for the 55 million babies killed since Abortion was legalized in the United States... ( don't know the exact number for Canada)
sadness for all those that are in futile pursuit of happiness and peace while dismissing the One who made the biggest sacrifice ever...
sadness because there is so much pain and suffering in this world,
a child dying every minute of hunger, hundreds of thousands of children kidnapped and sold as sex slaves.. abuse, everywhere, in all kinds of different shapes and sizes...
hatred, revenge, jealousy, greed and selfishness...
a broken world...
and then the sun comes out again.. and all makes sense.. the Son came and gave Himself so that there could be healing, that there could be joy even in the midst of suffering, that there could be beauty from ashes... beauty in the turmoil.. a sweet fragrance of knowing and being known, of a love so deep, it touches the deepest corners of my soul... what else is there to wish for...
sadness stays but joy also remains.. and hope..
...but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.... ( Romans 5:3-5)

He will never disappoint... and so the tears are nothing bad... nothing bad at all... they are an overflow of emotion coming from my soul that knows Him in whom all hope is found... they are tears of sweet surrender to a love so amazing no one can comprehend..... Thankful for the Sacrifice...

...set free... indeed...

..Saturday morning...listening to Michael W. Smith Christmas CD I am marvelling at what my Lord has done for me..



"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:36)

it is only November 5, and here I have been listening to Christmas music for a few days already..
growing up I had adopted some superstitions from neighbourhood girls... don't pretend, when playing "house" that the father has died, because then he will.... wow... our fathers were on business trips from then on, much safer it seemed..
do not listen to Christmas music other then during advent....or a member of your family will die... huge... never listened to Christmas music outside those 4 weeks before Christmas and after until January 6....

when meeting my Saviour personally in June 1994 I realized that these superstitions were just that... superstitions, and as my pastor has pointed out... it's only potentially bad luck for the black cat that crosses the road in front of your car... because it could be hit..

this year though.. I have taken it another step forward... I am going to decorate my house ( after I clean it ) today... Christmas music has been playing and I am celebrating what my Father in Heaven did for me full force... yes... just love the Christmas season..

I have been set free from so many fears that ruled my life before... fear of flying... fear of my house being broken into at night when my husband wasn't home.. fear of public speaking...

fear is the opposite of faith... so it shouldn't be surprising as my faith grows my fears subside..
it took me reciting Psalm 27 out loud at night before going to bed to overcome the fear of being alone at night.. and reading Psalm 139, just to name one, when my flight was taking off...
today, I pray before I go to sleep, or when on a plane, but I am not afraid anymore... Praise be to God!!

I know I am resting safely in the palm of His hand... He is my refuge and nothing will happen to me other than He allows... even if this potentially could mean things like your husband is leaving you.... He is there with you through it all and you will know Him and who He really is so much more... and this is a blessing far beyond anything you can ever imagine...

so Christmas music it is and Michael W Smith does not disappoint... beautiful songs.....

... pursuing peace... sticking together..

... trouble and conflict, a fact of life, happening whenever there are two or more people relating with each other..
let's look at family.. as in a "social unit".. we all value family ties and we all know that it is not always easy to get along with family members..
family members say things we don't like, do things we think are wrong, family members hurt us, they disappoint us and let us down at some point in time..
if we have a healthy understanding about what family is to be about we will try to work through difficulties and conflicts..we will forgive and reconcile and we will not forsake the get-togethers that are established...

a marriage, another place where conflict is just something that happens.... putting the other first, pursuing peace, working on the relationship and a deep commitment are the ingredients necessary to stay together forever... the heartache and brokenness that follow one spouse's walking away are the fallout of a lack of commitment and otherness ... or we could call it just  plain selfishness...

the whole suffers when one is not committed...
for some reason when thinking about this kind of stuff yesterday, I came to the conclusion that it is the same for church...questions like "how does it make me feel", "am I happy about every decision" and "what am I going to do about conflict"...  are the same questions  that come up  in any other social unit... we call it our "church family" when it gives us that cozy, happy feeling... then, like in any family, stuff happens.... and now the question is  "what will we do"...well, the bible teaches about what to do when there is conflict, it is pretty black and white, clear cut...

it shouldn't surprise us that there are many that walk away from their church family, as much as there are many that walk away from their family, or from their marriage... it makes me sad, because whenever someone walks away there is brokenness... I, like a few friends of mine know exactly how that feels when the one, that is walking away replacing the family with another one, is your husband...

so yesterday, I realized why I am bothered by some of the things that have happened to my church family in the last few years... it is just not meant to be that way.... conflict needs to be resolved, forgiveness sought and extended, peace pursued, togetherness rather than slander and gossip... walking in obedience, sticking with it, accepting suffering... for the greater good... unity.... together making the invisible Christ visible...
we are hindering what God has planned for us if we take the easy way out... and look for "happiness" somewhere else....  that's what my husband did...  and let me tell you, for us, it meant utter despair and deep wounds.... God is still bigger than any of this, but it bothers me anyways... just needed to share this...

just something that came to me yesterday.... I thank the Lord to give me insight.. He definitely clarified something for me there...

..surrendering... AGAIN....

...Sundays are great days... no matter how up or down I am I love going to my church... I love it especially now again, so familiar with the scripture that my pastor preaches on since I have been "sitting in it"  (meditating on it) for  almost a week... having heard from God what it means to me personally it is exciting to hear what He has for the whole church from this passage..
.. and sure enough.. it includes me and is very relevant for me... duh... how could it not be...
surrendering my unbelief, my instincts, my will ( that's a biggie) and my conscience, as in keeping a clear conscience... and not becoming legalistic...
so surrendering my will... my instincts... difficult to say the least.. my desires and wishes for a man in my life that loves me... my instincts to long for closeness and intimacy.... I have to let them go... very hard...
that's my prayer as I go into a new week....
that I would have the discipline to draw close and surrender myself to Him... over and over again...
I am weak, and not able to do any of this... His Spirit in me though is more than able to to do all that...
so I am ..ONCE AGAIN...  surrendering my wishes and desires... realizing that He knows best... and what is on the other side of the transformation is so much more... like it says... no eye has seen, nor ear has heard, nor heart has imagined what the Lord has prepared for those that love Him.... abiding in Him... that's what it is all about....TRUST and OBEY....

...... blessing after blessing poured out on us....

..it is 8:30 pm and Day# 4 in the life of Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center is coming to an end..
our Care Closet is filled to overflowing and many more lists and binders, posters and flyers and emails have been created, written and sent out...  buzzing with activity and excitement...  passionate prayer times and many blessings from God..

we have at least 8 more women wanting to become volunteers.. we will run another training in the new year.. on Friday I received an email from a teenage girl informing me that she and a friend were taking part in a project at the High School where they could potentially win $ 5000,00 and was it okay to choose us as the charity they would then donate this money to... on Sunday a woman approached me after church to tell me that if we ever had a young pregnant girl that needed a place to stay throughout her pregnancy, they would always have a spare room and would be more than happy to open their home to her...

Sunday during the service our new / old pastor with a calling to reach out to the community gave each person a toonie asking us to go to a coffee shop, coffee or tea curtesy of Georgetown Alliance Church, take our biggest bible and read through John 3-5, praying every 5 verses for someone to come and ask what we were reading... a prayer meeting at night, with 50+ people in attendance praying to be humble... like it says in 2 Chronicles 7:14
"if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

God is doing great things.... we are waiting in expectation...  He is going to blow our socks off... I know it!!!

... living the purpose driven life....

.. the first week has gone by at Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center... Volunteers showed up for their scheduled times and put to use their amazing talents and skills.. each one hand picked by God for this ministry, prayer meetings every morning... "Earn While You Learn" Closet and bins sorted and organized, points assigned, little diapers ready to be handed out in Ziploc bags.. Signs printed, sign out sheets for the resource library made and so it goes on and on and on...

142 pages views on the website since it's launch, 29 on October 17th...  about 25-30 clicks each week on the Facebook ad... the Online Yellow Pages consultant so helpful and full of praises for doing what we are doing...

a youth centre coordinator coming to visit us on Wednesday next week... I would say we can be thanking God for a very wonderful and productive first week..

Be sure that there will be a HUGE deal made about our first client... I will broadcast it on all available networks and sites... you can count on that ;)

My Home schooler got a good chunk of work done and thanks to her tremendously brilliant mentor and teacher has her next 3 months mapped out and organized ( I think she is my angel..)... God is so good, providing on all levels..

Someone asked me how I liked being a working woman and I have to say I love it... never in my life have I ever felt I was  accomplishing this much ( yes, even though I was the manager of a family size company, a tutor, nurse, housekeeper, cook, maid, taxi driver and counsellor all at once.. somehow , even though I never questioned the value of being all that, I never had this sense of total satisfaction...

Thankful for the Lord to call me and orchestrate my life this way so that I could follow His calling full-heartedly ...

He has the best in mind for me... for sure...
We will be praying for the women He is going to bring and patiently continue to fix our eyes on Him who is more than able to bring about all that He has planned in advance for us to do !!! Touching hearts with His love...  # SoliDeoGloria

.. Hope for Life has been launched!!!!!!!!!! Praise God

Praise be to God... may our praises be beautiful to His ears...
listening to "Joy follows Suffering"... or my little compilation of 5 times the little snippet... my new fav, what can I say...
so full of thanksgiving and joy... a headache still... alone, again... but so thankful....
what a morning... God alone received the Glory once again #SoliDeoGloria
His works are wonderful, I know that full well, His plans are to prosper and not to harm, to give a hope and a future... turmoil and pain, suffering... but the joy follows...
His attention to detail never fails to boggle my mind... He is not only the Creator, the loving and merciful Father, He is Truth, He is Holy, and He is in total control... His mercies are new every morning and He gives us wisdom and direction... He sustains us and holds us close... he yearns for a close and intimate relationship and He will never let us down...

even before the beginning of time He thought of us... a team of 14 ladies, called by Him... at the fullness of time he called us each into His marvellous light... He gave us all a story, He ministered to our hearts.. He brought us together to make the invisible Christ visible through His love, His Spirit working through us...

tomorrow morning 10 am the doors of Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center are going to be open to the public.... we will be spending many hours organizing and labelling all the beautiful baby things given to  us by the congregation and friends and our families, their generosity such a blessing.....
How blessed we are.... so ready to pass on this blessing... 5 pregnant teenage girls in Georgetown alone.. referred to us.... praying they will take the step and come... so that we can love them...
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.... we will forever Praise YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

..profound, soul deep sadness... I am NOT of this world...

...once again, the weekend... a day that was supposed to be another busy one, the last few weeks have been extremely busy, turned into a day of rest... I find myself alone at home... it is cold and windy and ugly outside....  listening to the little preview that was posted of a song of the album "Glory" that will be released on November 22... another gem, composed and played so beautifully by Michael W. Smith, recording it on my iphone a few times in a row so that it makes a "real" song...
the music touches my innermost being.... my soul resonates, and tears are rolling down my face.... it's this sadness, this sadness that is so deep inside my soul...
as humans, we always are looking to explain why we feel the way we feel...
well, I have been hurt, lied to, betrayed, I have been abandoned and mistreated, not just by my Ex husband, but by other significant people in my life, I have had my share of disappointments, I made bad choices and have suffered the consequences.... but, this sadness, it is not brought on by those things alone...
it is a sadness I have felt my entire life... I think it is a feeling of loneliness and not belonging... a longing for something so deep, I am more and more convinced it is not to be found on this earth...
caught myself thinking today, that with the men in my life so far, why am I even wanting another one ... crazy...
listening to this amazingly beautiful little composition, I fear that NO ONE will ever understand me... the next thought is that He who made me understands me and my longing is for Him...
this is were the emptiness and loneliness is really rooted... living in a world where this is true :

" For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things.  But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,  who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."Philippians 3:18-21)

Oh, I know so well how blessed I am to be His child... I love Him, I am so thankful for the purpose He has for me... tomorrow is the Grand Opening of Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center... my "baby".... God is amazing... and still.... my deepest longing is to be home... Home with Him, who knows my heart... my Maker is my husband.. the Lord Almighty is His name... He is my Redeemer and my King... the lover of my soul, my All in All....
and so today.. I have to be brave.. my heart is heavy and sad.... not because of the things people have done to me or because I am alone... it is because I am a stranger in this world... and I feel it.... I really do..

..a Thanksgiving Blessing..

on a very positive note.... I am overflowing with thankfulness because my parents came to visit from Switzerland, we had a great Thanksgiving meal together yesterday...
My mother looks great and it is so amazing to have her back. it has only been  6 1/2 months since she one morning experienced a pain so horrible, my father said she was screaming like a dying animal, he said he had never heard anything like this before..
your intestines bursting, ripping apart .. can't be such a great thing for sure... the septic shock her body went in almost killed her... it took a very long time to regain strength and be without constant pain... the threat of the cancer returning hanging over her still...

spending time with her yesterday, she seems to be back to her normal spunk and strength... what a blessing from God... incredible...
we will never forget the 10 days in the ICU, fearing for her life and the very slow and painful weeks following..
I just had to hug and hold her over and over again since she arrived... so very thankful I still have her...

I will cherish the time we have together, continue to pray for her salvation and love her with all my heart..

Thank you Lord for healing my mother, we know it was you who did... thank you for a joy filled day yesterday.. may she come to know you as her Saviour as well....
I praise you Lord for your love for us... AMEN

...God my maker is my husband...

..seeking Him in the morning... dwelling on Him throughout the day, repeating my memory work to myself...I have found again what I had lost over the last few months.. sweet fellowship with my Redeemer... who has given me this scripture that touches me deep in my soul:


“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
   Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
   and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
 For your Maker is your husband—
   the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
   he is called the God of all the earth.
 The LORD will call you back
   as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
   only to be rejected,” says your God.
Isaiah 54: 4-6


another one.. the one I decided to memorize first.. is this:

 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6: 19-20

when I was married.. even though at times  not (in the end never at all) receiving what my soul really needed, not feeling loved or important... I would have NEVER even entertained the thought of cheating on my husband or getting some of what I needed somewhere else... Jesus, the Lover of my Soul definitely gave me everything I needed to stay true to the covenant between me and my husband..

rejected and tossed aside, replaced even while I was still thinking I was in a marriage, erased from a life together, divorced after 10 months of being separated... all of a sudden it seemed that I was not whole, I needed to be completed again by a man... with todays technical means a whole world of possibilities seemed to be at my fingertips... loneliness and the after math of a basically lifelong rejection by significant males didn't help..
clinging to Jesus for mere survival in the beginning, over time I took my eyes off Him...

so thankful today that He really never lets go of me, so thankful that my guilt and shame and His gentle interference and amazing timing brought me back into the safe place with Him...

knowing how vulnerable I really am I have chosen to memorize these two scriptures... for God, my maker is my husband... as much as I would have never cheated on my husband, even though he was, I will NOT cheat on my God and maker... until the day He releases me to the man He has for me I am going to run to Him in my loneliness and rejection.. when I feel less valuable because I am single, when I feel so utterly forgotten and abandoned... these feelings are real and they assault me at night..
by His grace I will dwell on the truth over and over again so that it will be written on my heart:
my Lord has called me back, because I am a wife deserted and distressed in spirit, a wife who married young, only to be rejected...
I trust Him that I will not have to remember the shame of my youth or the reproach of my "divorce" the ultimate abandonment by my husband..

I know I am not strong enough to pull this off, but I know that He is strong when I am weak.... that His grace is sufficient for me...I am just having to rely on that...

.. keeping me strong...

...disillusionment and self pity, wants and desires... doubting God's sovereignty and not trusting Him to want my best... exploring some territory outside His general will... wanting to believe that His specific will for me would be just a little bit outside that.. oh how good we are at justifying and rationalizing things away... I had to come to this, even though I was fighting it tooth and nails... you know the story..

but in His faithfulness, His lovingkindness, He was not mad at me, He had not turned away, His loving gaze had been on me while I was engrossed in my futile struggles to find MY happiness....

Blessed is the one 

   whose transgressions are forgiven, 

   whose sins are covered. 

 Blessed is the one 

   whose sin the LORD does not count against them 

   and in whose spirit is no deceit.

  When I kept silent, 

   my bones wasted away 

   through my groaning all day long. 

 For day and night 

   your hand was heavy on me; 

my strength was sapped 

   as in the heat of summer.

  Then I acknowledged my sin to you 

   and did not cover up my iniquity. 

I said, “I will confess 

   my transgressions to the LORD.” 

And you forgave 

   the guilt of my sin.

 Therefore let all the faithful pray to you 

   while you may be found; 

surely the rising of the mighty waters 

   will not reach them. 

 You are my hiding place; 

   you will protect me from trouble 

   and surround me with songs of deliverance.

Engaging in the SCC ( Solitude, Cell, Celebration)  lifestyle, promoted by my church... refocused and deeply immersed into His Word... this is what He said to me this week:

I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts he has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus.  Through him, God has enriched your church in every way—with all of your eloquent words and all of your knowledge.  This confirms that what I told you about Christ is true.  Now you have every spiritual gift you need as you eagerly wait for the return of our Lord Jesus Christ.  He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be free from all blame on the day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns.  God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says, and he has invited you into partnership with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. ( 1 Corinthians 1: 4-9 )

dabbling in doing things my way, since God "obviously didn't care", has consequences.. facing those this week I needed to be encouraged and that is exactly what He did... He said He will keep me strong to the end, so that I am without blame...He will do it, because He IS faithful.. when loneliness and sadness comes at night, when attacks are originating from inside my own house... He has kept me strong.. and I am encouraged...

10 more sleeps until the Grand Opening and then the next day we are OPEN... Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center is a reality... and so very needed!!!!! Affirmation of that has come our way every day!!!!!

How could I trust Him for this and not for my own personal life? It made no sense.. I am so thankful that He put things into perspective once more....

.. delayed anger... the aftermath of a divorce...

.. in the 17 and a bit years of being a follower of Christ, and because of my make up.. I am a logical thinker.. I have come to deal with things a certain way..  I have learned to accept things that I cannot change and trust that God knows best...

well, this is not a bad thing, but, I am realizing now that this is why I am feeling the way I feel right now..
the last 2 + years have been horrifyingly difficult.. the stuff that has happened has been heart wrenching and immensely painful.

wanting so much to be who God wants me to be I accepted all that came my way and tried to deal with it as well as I understood at the time..
when I found out about the affair my husband had, I confronted him and forgave... I wanted to do whatever it took to make this work out... when he left anyways, I accepted it as a bad choice that was causing hurt and has many consequences, by someone who didn't know any better... I forgave... and accepted the pain...

when going to Divorce Care a year ago I realized that I had never been angry, but I was not going to fake anger, there just was none... I knew anger wouldn't make a difference so I must have just decided to accept when all this went down..

so now, actually a year after the divorce became official, yup, October 4 was the day last year, I am angry... still not so much with my Ex, but more with God...
when counseling I have always very much proclaimed that this is a healthy thing and that God can take it, I know this to be true, I never suppressed any anger, I just wasn't angry...

a months ago or so, after feeling very alone at a "community" event, I realized just how angry I am with the situation I am in... perpetrated by a man who promised to stand by me and never leave me, allowed by the God who has my best interest in mind... yeah right...
I realized I was not okay and I did NOT accept where I was... I don't want to be alone....
so I took matters into my own hands... let's just say... not a good thing... being in that place of anger and disillusion really made me feel miserable... going ahead with dating someone who was not a born again Christian felt good while having a great time over dinners out, but was wrong... I resented that I felt guilty and ashamed and knew in my heart that I needed to put an end to it.. I was angry and decided I didn't care... but... I just couldn't do it.... I told some friends and put an end to it...
I am still ticked off that I am the one who can't just have fun and happiness, that somehow I have to be the one who does everything "right" and always end up paying the price for what other's have done..

there is no way of knowing when we will be done with dealing with the aftermath of this family breaking apart... it just continues to wreak havoc in all our lives... I am sick of it... I cannot see where the good is ...

it bugs me that even though I am writing this I know where some good has come from it all, just looking where God has led me with the Pregnancy Center I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would not have been able to follow His calling the way I have now, had I not experienced what I have...
still... weddings, and pictures, and utter loneliness... my daughters growing up... and moving on.. I hate where I am right now...

so, it is delayed, but I am ANGRY... all of this should not have happened... it just was not right... I know all the answers and how it all works out... I believe it all.... but I am ticked off... I really am.

...smile: your mother chose life...

"I feel the greatest destroyer of peace today is “Abortion”, because it is a war against the child… A direct killing of the innocent child, “Murder” by the mother herself… And if we can accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell other people not to kill one another? How do we persuade a woman not to have an abortion? As always, we must persuade her with love… And we remind ourselves that love means to be willing to give until it hurts…" – Mother Teresa


"I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion is already born.”  -Ronald Reagan, and he goes on to say:

"Simple morality dictates that unless and until someone can prove the unborn human is not alive, we must give it the benefit of the doubt and assume it is (alive). And, thus, it should be entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."
"Each child is sent into this world by God with a "Unique Message" to deliver, a new personal act of love to bestow"...- John Powell, S.J. , Professor of Theology
Science is helping the cause.. it is getting harder and harder to pretend that there is no real human life , that what we are dealing with is just a blob of tissue... with tiny little video cameras and 3D ultrasounds we have seen a few week old fetuses and we cannot allow the fact that people are not well educated about those things guide their decisions..
someone said instead of trying to convince "Pro- Choice" people we need to share our knowledge with whoever is willing to listen...
this is what is going to make the difference.. and this is what the work at the center is going to be... educating women, allowing them to make a decision based on facts and not on slogans and lies... born not from fear and confusion but rooted in knowledge and truth..
I have been open about the fact that I too had an abortion, my passion to try to educate and pray and support women is born from a deep compassion and understanding.. if anything, I can relate and empathize with what they are feeling... this is why I want to be there for them, this is why we have been training up the volunteers... so that they too can be a fountain of understanding, love and compassion, free from any judgemental feelings, just filled with love for the women...
heard that we will have at least two if not more girls at our door as soon as we open... a great number of girls that just had babies around as well, maybe a Teen moms group is in our near future... as I was driving to the office this morning I thought about how I had been wondering if my typical North American little suburban town would need a place like this.... I guess God knew.. duh... He knows everything...
#SoliDeoGloria

.. a Challenge to fight FOR unity...let's do it!!!

challenged EVERYWHERE to reclaim what the church is all about...  a community of forgiven sinners, only by His strength and grace able to strive to love like He does..
let's stop being Hypocrites preaching to the world about forgiveness and love and failing to live authentically and with integrity doing just that....yes, even inside the church...
slander and gossip, sins as grave as any other sin...my passionate prayer: REMOVE the plank in our own eyes and let us not get upset about the splinter in someone else's eyes... if you have nothing encouraging and edifying to say: STOP talking...check your heart.. pride and selfishness... get rid of it!!!

as the excitement is rising, only 17 sleeps until the Grand Opening of HOPE FOR LIFE PREGNANCY CARE CENTER, as we slowly are starting to grasp what exactly it is that God has called us to in this ministry... which is engaging in the fight to win souls... bringing hope and love and support... ultimately to advance the gospel.... it seems very timely that we are being challenged to be who we are called to be, a light in the darkness ...
to be challenged as in "To summon to action, effort, or use; to stimulate"
the challenge is to LIVE a Christian life, not by pretending to be holier than thou but by authentically walking the talk with humility, mercy and compassion...

what would Jesus do... it is a no brainer... HE is all about forgiveness, love and compassion... no judgement for the repentent sinner... He will remember our sins no more if we confess and turn away from them..
Praying for that kind of attitude to surprise the women that will be coming through the doors of Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center... let's, one woman at a time, show them who Jesus is, by "together making the invisible Christ visible"

.... knitted together in the mother's womb....

..today was a tough day, tough stuff to learn about and absorb, disturbing facts and information... leaving after a day of volunteer training exhausted and yet more assured that this team is a match made in heaven.. blessed and thankful.. bonding on a deeper level..
holding the little 10 week old fetus (one of our beautiful fetal models) in my hands while watching some of those videos...don't know why I did that but I was comforted by it, as if I was protecting it from what we learned about... how these little human beings are ripped out of their mother's uterus.. praying that by God's grace we will be instruments he will use to stop this from happening... sharing information and educating women and empowering them to make a better informed decision.. ultimately it is up to Him, He is the One who needs to change the hearts of those poor women, who are overwhelmed by the gravity of the situation  they are finding themselves in... compassion and such a burden for everyone facing this is weighing down my heart...
 no surprise that "everyday, mundane life" seems a little too much coming home.. the cloud of sadness and loneliness descending the moment I enter this house... a family consisting of an angry, unhappy teenager and me... a single parent, assaulted by just that fact.. "single parent"... when did I sign up for that? don't recall this..
God's goodness so evident all day... still there, just maybe hidden behind the Eeyore cloud???
opening up about some of the hurts today... should I be surprised I am being assaulted by the enemy as I am sitting here all by myself... seems that is what I am doing most evenings these days... usually this is more than fine... just today... not so fine...
exciting to be part of something that is apparently angering the enemy in such a way that he is using the most obvious things in our lives.. babies not sleeping through the night, dogs throwing up and loneliness... ha... you have to come up with other ways of discouraging us... because... this is NOT going to stop us, called by Him who is more than able to do whatever he calls us to do through us... we will be victorious, by His grace and His strength... just having to lean in a little deeper... snuggling a little closer into the embrace of the Lover of my Soul... the Saviour... Our Lord Jesus Christ... Praise be to Him !!!!

... trials and tribulations... :S

I wonder if there is anyone else out there that would be so happy if we could find a formula for some consistency, more stability... maybe it is just me, but it seems that just when you thought you dealt with one thing and figured it out for sure the next difficult situation arises...
I think it was James Mc Donald who said that as a Christian you can be sure that you are either in the middle, at the end or right before the next trial... not always huge ones, but something is always going on, he explained that our Father in Heaven is about refining us and he is committed to do that until the day He takes us home....
stomach flu in the house is probably not helping, and so I am not concerned... just tired...
why does a Mother have to be the one to be  called "unfair" and "mean"... not kidding.. I am sure next to God I do love my daughter the most. I am the one that thinks about, prays for her and invests herself most, so that she will grow up to be a healthy adult who will be able to engage in a meaningful journey...
I am tired...  just on Saturday I was telling this wonderful group of volunteers that they can be sure that the enemy is going to try to make them miserable and that we, my partner and I have had quite the share of this in the last 12 months... we are entering into a battle .. and he doesn't like that... the great news is that this battle was won on a Sunday morning almost 2000 years ago, when the tomb was empty ...
this does not mean that it is not real for us and that we have actual things that are going to be hard... but ultimately we are on the winning side... the victory has been won... my teenager is going to turn out okay, even if it will take many more of my hairs to turn grey.. in this situation He too is going to be victorious, He has claimed her as His own, and He won't let her go....
so, a little time off from turmoil for me, maybe???
I would really appreciate it.... please????? relying on Him to give me the strength to go on, what else can one do? at least He is where He promised to be, right here with me.... Praise God!!!

... by your love they will know...

wow... a Sunday school room filled with 13 women... 13 binders, a mac book, a projector, a TV, DVD and VCR player.. coffee, tea, cookies.... and...the HOLY SPIRIT...


truth, information, insight, historical background, statistics, phenomenal images of God's creation, a look into the womb...


little hand scratching tiny face.. little tongue sticking out.. how precious, forms and regulations, policies, ethics and mentoring lessons...


excitement and passion rising to the surface ... like wild water rafting... everyone gets caught up in the exhilaration...


purpose and truth.. no one is there by chance... 

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)


filled to overflowing with a love for Him who calls us, for one another and any woman or man in crisis that will come to us, God willing... that is how we show the world who Jesus really is, that we love them with His love, support and care for them, without judgement, but just with love and as we set apart Christ as Lord in our hearts, we are always  prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks us to give the reason for the hope  and love and joy that we have and we will do this with gentleness and respect... ( 1 Peter 3:15)


Thanking God for a GREAT and ENCOURAGING first day of Volunteer training for Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center.... #SoliDeoGloria

... the "joys" of single hood"... NOT

facebook and other social media sites keep us "middle aged people" on top of the lingo and what's cool with the young people...
some of the things I see and read I do not like... but this morning, very early actually, I found myself thinking "sucks to be me" one of the expressions I do not necessarily enjoy when I see a teenager posting that... but here I was... I felt discouraged and alone and forgotten, not important to anyone.. not important enough anyways to go the extra mile to make something work out for me... and I admit, it was a last minute request and there were other ways of doing it, I guess... not the best way for me, but still, it would have been okay... ( I am not upset with anyone , that's not what this is about )
I had been feeling pretty alone already for a few days.. just don't feel as a single woman I really belong anymore with the happy couples and families... so this morning, really early I just thought.. sucks to be a single woman, without a husband taking care of certain things.. "man things"....

 as I was praying and reading my bible I decided that I couldn't stay there, that I had to tell Him everything that was bothering me and that I had to just give the disappointment and feelings of abandonment to Him... after all, we are told in His Word that He will meet all our needs...I believe that even when I do not feel that way, and so I surrendered it again...
a few hours later a solution came my way out of a totally unexpected corner so to speak... not surprising , if you think about it, isn't He really good at this?
I definitely was blessed that my situation was resolved and that once again my Jesus had come through for me..
still, all day I have not been able to shake that feeling... my friend who is alone now too said something that is just so very true, even though we both would rather have it to be a lie.....
there is a lot of compassion and an outpour of help and concern in the beginning... but then life goes on for everyone, we are doing relatively fine and seem okay... and... then we are left to our own devices... not anyone's fault, just life... wondering what the lesson is for me... going to Him... trying to plan things a little better ahead of time...  not be disappointed that there is not that special someone that is by default my go to person... I realize that my former go to person took really good care of all these things for us.. so the lesson is too that if there is ever another "go to guy" to let him know how good a job he is doing and to cheer him on, because, it really sucks without one...

... being Christ to one another....

I "like" this page called "Jesus" on facebook, and how could I not like it... I love Him... ;)
"He" posts great scripture, challenges, you can post your prayer requests etc... so, nice, I like it.. :D
today, this was one of the early morning posts:


When you are drowning.......I will lift you out.
When you lack faith......I will erase your doubt.
When you are slipping.......I will restore control.
When you are dying.....I will embrace your Soul.
I am your Savior. Will you grab my outreached hand?

this is good news, for both the unbeliever who could be grabbing that hand for the first time, and, it is for us, the believers too....
we feel like we are drowning at times, we lack in faith, we definitely are slipping and we will all die...
will we put our trust in Him every step of the way?
we, the community of believers, if we are honest with ourselves, all struggle with these things once in a while... this is when a sister or brother in Christ needs to remind us... the great part is that this is something we can do for each other, all of us, there is no "I am the more mature one and I will always have that role in your life"... no, it very much is a two way street between any two believers... as long as we are AUTHENTIC and share where we are with someone, without fearing judgement..
following Him for more than 17 years now I am most amazed about the "when you are slipping".. as in taking some tentative steps away... He just comes in, and in His amazing love gently restores....
my love for Him grows day by day....

so today, I will love Him and my "neighbour", I will fear no judgment and be authentic, I will be Christ to whoever allows me to be... and I will gladly receive Christ's love from my FF's.... my fellow followers :D