.... a princess indeed...

..today I chose to look up a poem that would express what I have been trying to hold on to since a very wise friend told me the following a little over a week ago... " the man God has planned for you will woo you (to seek the affection, favour, or love of (a woman) with a view to marriage), he will cherish you and respect you... you do not need to try to impress him or try to use some lure to "catch" him, you just have to trust your Father in Heaven... and be who He has made you...."

I knew that this was right.. but, with an earthly father who didn't know how to love and a husband who just walked away, I have been struggling with this concept for far too long...this was the last truth on my road to recovery I had to embrace... I knew it was true.....I believed it... now I just had to live it... 

I am happy to say that I am living it, by His grace.. I have gone off any dating websites I was on... I am going to wait for my man... in the mean time.. my Father, the King is all I need, He has filled my heart with so much love, I am good on my own... here is the poem I just had to change it a little to make it work for me ;) 

I'm a daughter of the Lord

a Princess in His eyes

I'm someone that He so adores

He hears me when I cry

forever and a day I'll worship

my Father, the graceful King

the Creator of all life

the Creator of everything

to Him I give my loving heart

to Him I give my mind

He loves me when I fall apart

He loves me ALL the time

He's worthy of my everything

He's worthy of my love

He's worthy of the songs I sing

Oh Father in Heaven above!

He saved me from the hands of death

He holds me all together

to me, He gave His very breath

so that I could live forever!

If to Him, I'm worth so much

that he would die for me,

why should I give myself to one,

who doesn't seem to see..

so today,  instead of feeling sorry for myself for being alone this weekend, I went to watch my little Godson's hockey game... I had him over a little after school yesterday and I am going to be more present in his life again, just one of the people I can invest my "free" time in... what a blessing...

there is a time for everything,  there was a time to mourn, and He carried me through it... He taught me how much He loved me... and that I am indeed a Princess... there is a time to bless and a time to be blessed... it feels that I am always being blessed... I guess it is because I am a Princess...  Praise Him from whom all blessings flow....  Soli Deo Gloria!!!!!! To Him alone be the Glory forever and ever!!!

... do you want your ears tickled?????

heading back shortly... the sun shining again in beautiful Franklin..
my time with Him this morning very sobering, but needed...
spending time daily in the Word never gets old..  living in this society where everything is okay, as long as you feel it is, to read the truth, black and white is very refreshing..
as a professed follower of Christ I CANNOT buy into the culture of this day.
I have to stick closely to what the Bible tells me, and, like it is for children, it is better to have clear boundaries,
it definitely helps with feeling safe.. knowing what is right and what is not.
we cannot be falling into the category that Paul writes about to Timothy..
For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.  They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. ( 2 Timothy 4: 3+4)
when asked today, many people will say they believe in God... many say they are spiritual...
I personally know many that will claim that "their" God is not like mine.. their God is okay with revenge, wouldn't want them to stay and suffer in a marriage that just didn't work.. their God wouldn't be that narrow-minded and be against so many things that just felt so right...
truth is, they have made a God up in their own minds, from things they have heard or read, things that have been passed down and things that make sense to them... things that will "tickle their ears" because it allows them to do whatever they want...
I am very thankful to "my" God, that He did not let me settle for any of "these" gods... because, let's face it, if everyone can make up their own, there are gazillion "gods" out there..
which one is right, or which set of rules is, or what is their assurance of spending eternity with that god?
My God has revealed Himself throughout "His Story" , He revealed Himself by living on this earth in human form, becoming the ultimate sacrifice for us... I do not have to be a "good" person... because, what is good enough to be a good person? how many "bad" things can I do before I am not good anymore?
All my God wants from me is to believe that He is the One and Only God and that by His Son dying on the cross for my sins ( and there are many... and sadly I will be adding more and more during the rest of my time here on earth.. hopefully less and less as He grows me up and I surrender myself to His will daily) I am now forgiven, not good, but forgiven... through that my relationship with Him is restored and I am enjoying closeness with Him that can never be taken away... it is an eternal relationship that has already begun... it actually began 17 and half years ago....
I am glad that He has also revealed Himself through His Word, I am glad that it is the eldest,  published in most languages, widely read book today... but it is not just a book, it is alive and sharper than a double edged sword.... I encountered that truth again this morning... and it was my loving Father, Jesus, the Lover of my soul who spoke His truth into my life... He, the all knowing God knows exactly what I need, He knows my heart and He cares enough about me to let me know where I need to be careful...
like a mother who makes sure her kids don't eat too many candies... not because she wants to be mean and spoil the fun of her children but because she loves them and wants the best for them..
I am so glad He loves me like this and is not a distant, absent father, but is intimately involved in every aspect of my life...
still at the airport in Nashville, the sun is still shining.... getting home a bit later than planned... still blessed beyond all measure ....

...Franklin, what is it about you?????

I am not sure why this is, but I cannot stop smiling as soon as I step foot on Tennessee soil.. even if it is just that thing that connects the terminal with the plane.. ( no idea what you call this in English.. sorry)
I am so happy to be here I can hardly contain myself.. I have no idea why....
this is my second time here and I feel like I am coming home... know my way around the airport, the Starbucks in the terminal, the Thrifty Car Rental place... found the way to Franklin and my hotel with no problems, in the dark and in the rain!!!!!!!!!!!
oh, and I got the cutest car... I always get a free upgrade... aren't those people just so amazing here???
so, it is a red Sportage and I love it...
went to Publix and got a few things to munch on last night... then I settled down in my hotel room... and.. I still can't stop smiling.. someone tell me why?
met with my friend Michelle for Breakfast at the Cracker Barrel.. Christian Bookstore, and then.. the Mall...a little Christmas shopping for my girlies... found my way back... yes..  still smiling..
tomorrow morning I will go take care of some business and then have 2 meetings in the afternoon...
I feel so very very blessed that I can be here, and look, it is not about Michael W Smith or even the few people I know around here..
because I missed my flight on Saturday I didn't get to see Mary (VERY SAD about that, Mary.. I love you)... and because it was supposed to snow here ( oolala... disaster!!!!!) another friend cancelled his plans to come see me here today...
anyways.. will go to the Opryland Hotel with Michelle, her daughter and Granddaughter tonite.. I am told it is beautifully decorated for Christmas...
and I am smiling....
God is so very good to me, I am just so excited to be here and I am enjoying being alone.. yes.. I am not lonely, I am happy to be doing and accomplishing what I am, and I am great company for myself..this is not me at all 2 years ago, I have come such a long way.. all because my Redeemer loves me, all because He delights over me with singing... He has quieted me with His love when the going was so very tough, and He won't stop blessing me..... I had that vision of Him in a nice soft light blue and white striped shirt, so very, very soft, like Ralph Lauren is making them, He was holding me in His arms and I was just nestling my head against His shoulder / chest ( and hearing His heart beat) one morning during that Alaska Cruise in July 2010... when I was still so raw from all the pain and sorrow... He has been my close companion ever since, so I am sharing with Him this time down here, He is as excited as I am... ( it's because He loves me), He also doesn't mind shopping... yup, He goes with me even there... :)
what else can a crazy girl like me ask for?????
going to a nice get together tomorrow night at 6, just found out about that ... home again on Thursday...
and that is a great thing too...
I love my girls, my puppies, my friends, my work, my church and that He always goes along with me, He will never leave me, ignore me or forsake me, He won't even get angry or annoyed, impatient or disappointed... He just loves me and spurs me on, encourages me and transforms me into His likeness..
He is the GREATEST!!!!!!!!! ( and maybe, just maybe, one day I will get to share this with that godly man that I know He has for me... YAY!!!)

... tenderness and care....

it is a funny thing... I think God has a huge sense of humour.. there I am on Saturday morning writing about that we make plans but God is the One who calls the shots... did He have a reminder of that for me...
so even though I was up early, very early, was ready to go early enough to make my flight, early enough to celebrate my daughter's birthday, the way we always do... in the morning, opening gifts and all...
I still missed my flight by one minute... one minute too late to make the cut off which is one hour for flights to the US....
now, I am someone who hates to have to rush and take a chance... especially when it is an airplane we have to catch... I rather be there early and take my time.. for some unexplainable reason all of a sudden I became very relaxed,  changing the time I had to leave in my head and enjoyed the time with my daughters... I never thought I was risking not getting there on time.. I don't know, maybe my cold made me all foggy in my brain...

anyways, God has plans, and I guess He knew that I would come home and just collapse in my bed never to be seen again that day... I am still sick and so thankful I did not have to be on a flight, spend time with a friend, drive another 3 hours to see another friend... all of this would have been a great thing, a wonderful thing, something I planned assuming I would be healthy and strong... but my God knew I needed a rest..
so I am still in bed, still feeling really weak and tired,  it is such a good thing my flight is now booked for Monday afternoon.. I am still going to be there in time for the "business part", the friend time has been cut short, but that's okay... because I now have another "free" ticket to go some other time... thanks to a very generous and extremely helpful Ex-husband.... and can go there again sometime before September 28, 2012...
So, His plans are perfect... He just gave me another experience to prove that.. I am trying to make wise plans and decisions with whatever my resources are at the time.. He however is soooooooo much bigger than circumstances or anything "unsuspected" that comes my way... NEED to remember that....

Makes my heart overflow with gratitude and love, and... makes my passion to share Him so much greater too... want everyone around me to know Him like this.. ( my Ex-husband included..)
Thankful for the rest, it was very much needed.. can you believe how much He cares,
the Lover of my soul ? I will praise Him forever!!!!

... where you go, I will go...

up really early, 4:30...all packed and ready.. birthday table set up for my now 21 year old daughter... sick with a cold.. but looking forward to spending some time in Franklin Tennessee again.. I just love it there...
catching up with 3 of my wonderful friends down there and just drinking in the Southern hospitality will be amazing..

never knew much of Tennessee until actually about 18 months ago when I came back from the Michael W Smith and friends Cruise in July 2010... I remember figuring out that "everyone" ( all the artists on the cruise) were living there.. checking it all out online I started to think how cool it would be to live there one day... in the mean time I have been there twice already, made some great friends there ...
the Adoption Agency / Pregnancy Care Center in Nashville is called "Miriam's promise" when I first googled that and saw the name I cried... mind you, I cried a lot back then..
anyways.. with my life so up in the air I wondered if this was where I would end up maybe...

I love the Word, I am so amazed that He would communicate with us like this...
Proverbs 3: 5+6 says this:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart 

   and lean not on your own understanding; 

 in all your ways submit to him, 

   and he will make your paths straight.

I remember the times last year when I didn't know where I belonged anymore, my security and all I had known had come to an end.. it was a very unsettled place to be in.. but God had a plan, and I trusted Him..

He showed me where my place was right there and then and that's all I needed to know..

This week, I learned another important thing in this regard.. 

waiting on the Lord and trusting Him for His provision and care, Him being Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides.. when He will bring this man He has for me into my life, I am to go where he will go... like Ruth told Naomi in the book of Ruth 1:16 : 

Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.

wow... so, the plans He has for me are that detailed.. when this little train called Miriam was thrown up in the air , even though it came as a surprise for me, He knew it all along and considered it to be something good for me.. when I was wondering where I would end up He had already decided that I was going to be staying here for the time being... for my future He already knows where I need to be one day.. so waiting on Him means to not lean on my own understanding but to trust Him with all my heart, submit to Him and He will make my path straight...isn't that what He has always done?

I am thankful for the way He continues to reveal things to me... HE ROCKS, that's all I can say... 

 getting on this plane today I will just enjoy what He has for me right now... and leave the planning up to Him..

.....waiting on the Lord......

patience.. a fruit of the spirit..
be still and know that I am God... waiting on the Lord...
what a great exercise...
need to exercise this since I am not that good at it... :(
much better than I used to be, no question about that, but not good at it, not good enough at it... that's why the lessons continue to be ..WAIT....

so against all this world is and stands for.. instant gratification seems to be the mantra of today's society, I am waiting...


remember the letters send by stage coach.. ( long before our time) but even when I was a child in Germany, my pen pal and I sent letters back and forth every other day... today, we txt, email, FaceTime or Skype and we are instantly connected..

I am someone who loves to communicate, I do it a lot with my friends.. or my kids...

you want a new fridge, car, computer... today we have credit cards, lines of credit or the store offers to let us pay for it a year later..

we have stores that are open 24 hours and whatever we think we need is at our fingertips at all times..
I remember my oldest losing the last soother we had for her on a Saturday afternoon, back when we were still living in Germany... stores closed at 1pm and none were open on Sundays.... we had a rough night, took her a while to finally fall asleep without her beloved "schnulli" but... she got over it.. by the time stores opened again Monday morning she was a "big girl" who didn't need a soother anymore..

ha.... waiting on the Lord, He knows why He makes us wait... we grow up in the waiting, we learn to trust Him more and let go of our perceived needs .. apparently we can "survive" without what we thought we so desperately needed ... actually, if I am looking at my life... the last 2 years.. had I been able to flee and hide in the "comfort" of a new relationship, I would have missed out , all my relying on Him, finding my strength in Him and not in the arms of an understanding, loving man.. knowing Him and how He was holding me when I was in such pain, even making it from one day to the next was a huge struggle... I would not have known His tenderness,  how much He loves me and cares about me, I wouldn't have known how He heals and builds up, how His faithfulness is what carried me through those times..

Each breath I take waiting on Him is a blessing. each day that goes by I am walking a bit closer with Him.. waiting on Him, surrendering my needs, I get a new glimpse of what heaven will be like one day.. undisturbed fellowship with the One who made me, the One who saved me..
living He loved me, dying He saved me, buried He carried my sins far away, rising He justified, freely forever....one day He's coming, oh glorious day...

and... another thing.. how exhilarating it is to finally get what you have been waiting for... especially if you surrendered this to Him..  learned the most important lesson, that He is all we need..
looking forward to it  :)

.. trusting and surrendering...

to surrender:
To yield; to give up; to resign in favor of another; as,to surrender a right or privilege; to surrender a place or an office.
Trust:

Confidence; a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship or other sound principle of another person.

Such big words... thinking and meditating on these today...

How quick we are to say we are surrendering our will, our life to the Lord...

How easy it is to say we trust Him in all that happens..

thinking of surrendering... yielding my perceived right ( or even ability ) to control what's happening in my life... only possible if I trust...

surrendering my will and all that matters to me to God.. cannot do that if I do not trust Him... 

when the rubber hits the road, when a loved one's health is failing, when things are scary and potentially difficult and hurtful... IF we are living what we are claiming is true for us we will not worry, we will not be anxious... we will not fret... we will not be confused, we will not be trying to manipulate or control what is happening around us... we will stand with arms open wide . our eyes and hearts focused on our Redeemer..

it is in Him alone that our hope is found.. it is in His more than capable, loving and forever caring hands our future lies.. ( and isn't that the BEST place for it???)

it is very interesting what God uses to move us on from one level of maturity to the next. it is not always the heavy and traumatic.. it could be something really good.. a blessing... 

it shouldn't surprise me that, considering He knows my heart,  He puts His finger exactly on the spot where the next growth has to happen...

it is so easy to sing "I surrender All" on a Sunday morning.. and we DID sing this  on Sunday, how funny is that.. living it minute to minute every day.. that's where the challenge lies.

it is a fact of living the life of a follower of Christ that He is never done shaping us and molding us, transforming us into His likeness... no matter what it takes..

because it is not about what my desires and wishes are, it is about aligning my life with Him so that I can be fulfilling my calling in this life. to bring glory to His name... 

To do that I need to trust Him... and trusting Him I only can if I know who I am putting my trust into..  thankfully He has given us the Word, it is there where we meet Him if we seek Him with all our heart.. each time we trust it will become easier... this is because one of His characteristics is that He is FAITHFUL... what a rare , yet most important trait... what a blessing... experienced it so many times..

a feeling of warmth and safety, a feeling we so long for , all of us, can be found in the arms of Him.. to know Him is to love Him, to know Him is to be protected and sheltered. To know Him is to enjoy communion with the One who made us... sweet fellowship, never to be taken away... and there... again, this is what it is all about...

Great... thanks Lord for making this clear... I needed this today  :)

... listening to lies... hmmm, better not...

discouraged today... listening to someone ugly whispering in my ears... shouldn't I know better than doing that?
but then again...I am in good company ... David... listen to what he had to say:

Give ear to my prayer, O God; 

And do not hide Yourself from my supplication. 

 Give heed to me and answer me; 

I am restless in my complaint and am surely distracted, 

 Because of the voice of the enemy, 

Because of the pressure of the wicked; 

For they bring down trouble upon me 

And in anger they bear a grudge against me.

  My heart is in anguish within me, 

And the terrors of death have fallen upon me. 

 Fear and trembling come upon me, 

And horror has overwhelmed me. 

 I said, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! 

I would fly away and be at rest. 

 “Behold, I would wander far away, 

I would lodge in the wilderness. 

discussing this this morning during our prayer time we chuckled about David... what a funny idea... to fly away as a dove.. where to? in the storm? finding lodging in the wilderness?? Seriously????????

A glimpse of longings fulfilled like NEVER before... a high... and then.. no surprise.. falling... insecurities coming to the surface.. and there he is.... the deceiver...

so.. looking up one of my own Psalms.. I am choosing to believe in what I know is truth:

I praise you oh Lord,

For You have enlightened my eyes

I can see the immeasurable riches 

Of my inheritance in You

Oh Lord I praise You

For You have given me a spirit of wisdom and knowledge

Through you I am able to discern

I can live a life that brings glory to You oh Lord

I praise You, oh Lord

For You have redeemed my life from the darkness

You have brought me out of the darkness into Your marvellous light

You broke the chains of sin and gave me freedom

Freedom to choose not to sin

Freedom to follow You

Freedom to love like You

Freedom to praise You and worship You all of my life

I praise You oh Lord 

For You have given me eternal life 

You have prepared a room for me in Your mansion 

You are always with me

Your rod and Your staff they comfort me 

You are my refuge and my rock

With You I can do everything

Without You I cannot do anything 

You are the lover of my soul

Your love is faithful and everlasting 

Your love surrounds me like a soft pillow

You love me like a father, always there for me

A father who supports, provides and encourages

You love me like a brother,

Always by my side, blessing me

You love me like a husband 

Cherishing all of me

Fulfilling my deepest desires

A fountain of never ending love and affection

You have chosen me before the creation of the world to be Yours

I am saved by faith through Your grace

Undeserved, I, a sinner,

Dead in my transgressions You came and lifted me up

You took my heart of stone and replaced it with a heart of flesh

You gave me Your Spirit as a counsellor 

To lead me and guide me and continue to shape me and mold me

I am Your's, Lord

I surrender all I am to You 

I praise You , oh Lord

For You are the everlasting God, my Saviour

 the plans for me are to bless me and to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future... He is not playing with me, I just need to keep my eyes fixed on Him... trusting Him to bring about what He has for me in His time.. I am choosing to renounce the lies... and stand on the truth... that's right...

... PRIDE........... :S

1 Corinthians 2: 6-7 +14 We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing.  No, we declare God’s wisdom, a mystery that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began.

The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 

1 Corinthians 3: 18-20 Do not deceive yourselves. If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become “fools” so that you may become wise.  For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written: “He catches the wise in their craftiness”;  and again, “The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile.”

 God's wisdom.. foolishness to those that are of this world... Human wisdom... futile in God's eyes...

no wonder I feel so out of place even in the midst of my own family...

can be hard at times, but I would not change it for the world.. the fact that because of the indwelling of the spirit I am able to discern the mind of God... that in fact I have the mind of Christ, it never fails to boggle my mind ;)

this Sunday's sermon... timely after a lengthy meeting dealing with a family "issue"... so futile and leading to destruction..

the world's definition of pride: a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired

God's definition of pride: ( it is a sin..) the quality of having an excessively high opinion of oneself or one's importance

pride, the source of most sins... the opposite of humility... a stumbling block to living life authentically as a Christian, a follower of Christ, pride... blocking the view of our part in the dysfunction and conflict... keeping us from admitting our sins... ultimately the origin of all rebellion against God...

pride tells us that we deserve happiness, we do not need God, we need to control our own lives and are more than able to, "thank you very much"...
pride fuels insecurity (yes, you read that right) fear of failure.. very closely connected to pride..  who would have thought... ( my fear to make a fool of myself and for people maybe thinking less of me than I want them to, makes me too afraid to step out and bless others with the gifts and talents God gave me... just saying')

pride leads to greed and envy... because of my heightened sense of self, I am SURE I deserve at least as much as the person next to me, and I have to have more and more and more and more..

pride leads to criticism and a judgmental spirit...

rebellion, let's taste the fruit of this tree... then we can be like God... what were they thinking?????????
but : we all deceive ourselves if we think we have no pride..

as Christians, with the Spirit in us, we have a choice, we can go with the fleshly, human rebelliousness and pride... or we can follow Christ and pick up our cross daily... we can choose to consider others as more worthy than ourselves.. like He did, even to death, death on a cross..
we can believe and act on the truth from 1 Corinthians 4 :7 For who makes you different from anyone else? what do you have that you did not receive? and if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not...
or we can chose to sin and be no different than those that do not have the mind of Christ...
if we do so we will continue to be missing out on the abundant life He has for us, we will be ineffective.. we will be hypocrites... and we will be of no use to God..
pretty scary... this is not what I want my life to be... so I am asking the Lord daily to search my heart.. and show me any wicked ways within me.. I choose to humble myself, by His strength and grace and follow in His footsteps... one step at a time.. because He is WORTH IT!
#SoliDeoGloria

...sincere love and unity of spirit....

...up early... or should I say in the middle of the night...
praying about what God has been teaching me and my cell group in the last couple of weeks..
unity... accountability question for last week:
I have sincere love for and unity of spirit with each person connected with my church..... HUGE...
when prayerfully considering this question I had to admit that this was not the case...
I have no "real" issue as in unforgivness or conflict with anyone, but, there are a few people I just don't like... they rub me the wrong way... I am not even avoiding them, they are not that close... but I do NOT have sincere love for them..
no worries, I would say maybe there are 3 people I know that would fit that category...
now, as I was praying about that I wondered what it would be that I have to do other than ask God to forgive me and give me that love for these people..
He is a great and wonderful God and when we come to Him with a sincere heart He for sure is going to answer these kind of prayers...
for 2 out of the 3 He showed me that there was one specific thing that had bugged me way back and I had never dealt with it..
I still believe that this is not a matter that needs to be addressed with the person, but it needs to be addressed between me and God...
one of the issues did not even have anything to do with me but I took on a hurt that I perceived was done to  someone .. and again, not close to the person at all, but I "self righteously" couldn't believe this person was doing this.....
wow, I have to say, He is passionate about unity when after at least 8 years or so He brings to mind something that happened in the periphery of my life... it never touched my life.. but I had judged...

in another bible study I am doing I just read another chapter on insecurity and how pride is a big factor in leading us to insecurity.. very interesting concept... pride is always at the core of a judgemental spirit... and so in the case of this one woman in my church that I cannot say without manipulating the truth at least a bit that I love her with a sincere love, I judged because I would have never done this..
funny how I would not allow myself to think this way ever without stopping myself and considering that I, by the grace of God might I not do this specific thing but am guilty of other things that this person
"would NEVER do"... then I usually let it go and thank God for forgiving me for my stuff and let the other of the hook..
either in this one case I wasn't quite there yet or... what probably happened was it was something that just was so minor and removed it didn't even show up on my radar screen...
well, He brought it to mind and I need to confess.. I need to make things right between my God and me and I will ask Him if this is a matter I have to bring before the lady involved or if I just need to let it go..
I am counting on Him to be faithful in this matter...

Unity IS so very very important to Him... maybe this is why I am up at this hour and not sleeping anymore but rather trying to process an event from long ago... that really had nothing whatsoever to do with me...
gotta love Him...

...Remembering the Sacrifice...

... I am an extrovert,   just by one percent though... so, I am also an introvert... I am upbeat and bubbly, but also prone to sadness..
today, as the first snow is falling I am listening to "Prayer for Taylor" on the CD Freedom by Michael W Smith.. and the tears are rolling down my face... a steady stream...
sadness for all those fallen... sadness for what is going on around me.. too close for comfort some of it.., sadness for the 55 million babies killed since Abortion was legalized in the United States... ( don't know the exact number for Canada)
sadness for all those that are in futile pursuit of happiness and peace while dismissing the One who made the biggest sacrifice ever...
sadness because there is so much pain and suffering in this world,
a child dying every minute of hunger, hundreds of thousands of children kidnapped and sold as sex slaves.. abuse, everywhere, in all kinds of different shapes and sizes...
hatred, revenge, jealousy, greed and selfishness...
a broken world...
and then the sun comes out again.. and all makes sense.. the Son came and gave Himself so that there could be healing, that there could be joy even in the midst of suffering, that there could be beauty from ashes... beauty in the turmoil.. a sweet fragrance of knowing and being known, of a love so deep, it touches the deepest corners of my soul... what else is there to wish for...
sadness stays but joy also remains.. and hope..
...but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.... ( Romans 5:3-5)

He will never disappoint... and so the tears are nothing bad... nothing bad at all... they are an overflow of emotion coming from my soul that knows Him in whom all hope is found... they are tears of sweet surrender to a love so amazing no one can comprehend..... Thankful for the Sacrifice...

...set free... indeed...

..Saturday morning...listening to Michael W. Smith Christmas CD I am marvelling at what my Lord has done for me..



"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:36)

it is only November 5, and here I have been listening to Christmas music for a few days already..
growing up I had adopted some superstitions from neighbourhood girls... don't pretend, when playing "house" that the father has died, because then he will.... wow... our fathers were on business trips from then on, much safer it seemed..
do not listen to Christmas music other then during advent....or a member of your family will die... huge... never listened to Christmas music outside those 4 weeks before Christmas and after until January 6....

when meeting my Saviour personally in June 1994 I realized that these superstitions were just that... superstitions, and as my pastor has pointed out... it's only potentially bad luck for the black cat that crosses the road in front of your car... because it could be hit..

this year though.. I have taken it another step forward... I am going to decorate my house ( after I clean it ) today... Christmas music has been playing and I am celebrating what my Father in Heaven did for me full force... yes... just love the Christmas season..

I have been set free from so many fears that ruled my life before... fear of flying... fear of my house being broken into at night when my husband wasn't home.. fear of public speaking...

fear is the opposite of faith... so it shouldn't be surprising as my faith grows my fears subside..
it took me reciting Psalm 27 out loud at night before going to bed to overcome the fear of being alone at night.. and reading Psalm 139, just to name one, when my flight was taking off...
today, I pray before I go to sleep, or when on a plane, but I am not afraid anymore... Praise be to God!!

I know I am resting safely in the palm of His hand... He is my refuge and nothing will happen to me other than He allows... even if this potentially could mean things like your husband is leaving you.... He is there with you through it all and you will know Him and who He really is so much more... and this is a blessing far beyond anything you can ever imagine...

so Christmas music it is and Michael W Smith does not disappoint... beautiful songs.....

... pursuing peace... sticking together..

... trouble and conflict, a fact of life, happening whenever there are two or more people relating with each other..
let's look at family.. as in a "social unit".. we all value family ties and we all know that it is not always easy to get along with family members..
family members say things we don't like, do things we think are wrong, family members hurt us, they disappoint us and let us down at some point in time..
if we have a healthy understanding about what family is to be about we will try to work through difficulties and conflicts..we will forgive and reconcile and we will not forsake the get-togethers that are established...

a marriage, another place where conflict is just something that happens.... putting the other first, pursuing peace, working on the relationship and a deep commitment are the ingredients necessary to stay together forever... the heartache and brokenness that follow one spouse's walking away are the fallout of a lack of commitment and otherness ... or we could call it just  plain selfishness...

the whole suffers when one is not committed...
for some reason when thinking about this kind of stuff yesterday, I came to the conclusion that it is the same for church...questions like "how does it make me feel", "am I happy about every decision" and "what am I going to do about conflict"...  are the same questions  that come up  in any other social unit... we call it our "church family" when it gives us that cozy, happy feeling... then, like in any family, stuff happens.... and now the question is  "what will we do"...well, the bible teaches about what to do when there is conflict, it is pretty black and white, clear cut...

it shouldn't surprise us that there are many that walk away from their church family, as much as there are many that walk away from their family, or from their marriage... it makes me sad, because whenever someone walks away there is brokenness... I, like a few friends of mine know exactly how that feels when the one, that is walking away replacing the family with another one, is your husband...

so yesterday, I realized why I am bothered by some of the things that have happened to my church family in the last few years... it is just not meant to be that way.... conflict needs to be resolved, forgiveness sought and extended, peace pursued, togetherness rather than slander and gossip... walking in obedience, sticking with it, accepting suffering... for the greater good... unity.... together making the invisible Christ visible...
we are hindering what God has planned for us if we take the easy way out... and look for "happiness" somewhere else....  that's what my husband did...  and let me tell you, for us, it meant utter despair and deep wounds.... God is still bigger than any of this, but it bothers me anyways... just needed to share this...

just something that came to me yesterday.... I thank the Lord to give me insight.. He definitely clarified something for me there...

..surrendering... AGAIN....

...Sundays are great days... no matter how up or down I am I love going to my church... I love it especially now again, so familiar with the scripture that my pastor preaches on since I have been "sitting in it"  (meditating on it) for  almost a week... having heard from God what it means to me personally it is exciting to hear what He has for the whole church from this passage..
.. and sure enough.. it includes me and is very relevant for me... duh... how could it not be...
surrendering my unbelief, my instincts, my will ( that's a biggie) and my conscience, as in keeping a clear conscience... and not becoming legalistic...
so surrendering my will... my instincts... difficult to say the least.. my desires and wishes for a man in my life that loves me... my instincts to long for closeness and intimacy.... I have to let them go... very hard...
that's my prayer as I go into a new week....
that I would have the discipline to draw close and surrender myself to Him... over and over again...
I am weak, and not able to do any of this... His Spirit in me though is more than able to to do all that...
so I am ..ONCE AGAIN...  surrendering my wishes and desires... realizing that He knows best... and what is on the other side of the transformation is so much more... like it says... no eye has seen, nor ear has heard, nor heart has imagined what the Lord has prepared for those that love Him.... abiding in Him... that's what it is all about....TRUST and OBEY....

...... blessing after blessing poured out on us....

..it is 8:30 pm and Day# 4 in the life of Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center is coming to an end..
our Care Closet is filled to overflowing and many more lists and binders, posters and flyers and emails have been created, written and sent out...  buzzing with activity and excitement...  passionate prayer times and many blessings from God..

we have at least 8 more women wanting to become volunteers.. we will run another training in the new year.. on Friday I received an email from a teenage girl informing me that she and a friend were taking part in a project at the High School where they could potentially win $ 5000,00 and was it okay to choose us as the charity they would then donate this money to... on Sunday a woman approached me after church to tell me that if we ever had a young pregnant girl that needed a place to stay throughout her pregnancy, they would always have a spare room and would be more than happy to open their home to her...

Sunday during the service our new / old pastor with a calling to reach out to the community gave each person a toonie asking us to go to a coffee shop, coffee or tea curtesy of Georgetown Alliance Church, take our biggest bible and read through John 3-5, praying every 5 verses for someone to come and ask what we were reading... a prayer meeting at night, with 50+ people in attendance praying to be humble... like it says in 2 Chronicles 7:14
"if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

God is doing great things.... we are waiting in expectation...  He is going to blow our socks off... I know it!!!

... living the purpose driven life....

.. the first week has gone by at Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center... Volunteers showed up for their scheduled times and put to use their amazing talents and skills.. each one hand picked by God for this ministry, prayer meetings every morning... "Earn While You Learn" Closet and bins sorted and organized, points assigned, little diapers ready to be handed out in Ziploc bags.. Signs printed, sign out sheets for the resource library made and so it goes on and on and on...

142 pages views on the website since it's launch, 29 on October 17th...  about 25-30 clicks each week on the Facebook ad... the Online Yellow Pages consultant so helpful and full of praises for doing what we are doing...

a youth centre coordinator coming to visit us on Wednesday next week... I would say we can be thanking God for a very wonderful and productive first week..

Be sure that there will be a HUGE deal made about our first client... I will broadcast it on all available networks and sites... you can count on that ;)

My Home schooler got a good chunk of work done and thanks to her tremendously brilliant mentor and teacher has her next 3 months mapped out and organized ( I think she is my angel..)... God is so good, providing on all levels..

Someone asked me how I liked being a working woman and I have to say I love it... never in my life have I ever felt I was  accomplishing this much ( yes, even though I was the manager of a family size company, a tutor, nurse, housekeeper, cook, maid, taxi driver and counsellor all at once.. somehow , even though I never questioned the value of being all that, I never had this sense of total satisfaction...

Thankful for the Lord to call me and orchestrate my life this way so that I could follow His calling full-heartedly ...

He has the best in mind for me... for sure...
We will be praying for the women He is going to bring and patiently continue to fix our eyes on Him who is more than able to bring about all that He has planned in advance for us to do !!! Touching hearts with His love...  # SoliDeoGloria

.. Hope for Life has been launched!!!!!!!!!! Praise God

Praise be to God... may our praises be beautiful to His ears...
listening to "Joy follows Suffering"... or my little compilation of 5 times the little snippet... my new fav, what can I say...
so full of thanksgiving and joy... a headache still... alone, again... but so thankful....
what a morning... God alone received the Glory once again #SoliDeoGloria
His works are wonderful, I know that full well, His plans are to prosper and not to harm, to give a hope and a future... turmoil and pain, suffering... but the joy follows...
His attention to detail never fails to boggle my mind... He is not only the Creator, the loving and merciful Father, He is Truth, He is Holy, and He is in total control... His mercies are new every morning and He gives us wisdom and direction... He sustains us and holds us close... he yearns for a close and intimate relationship and He will never let us down...

even before the beginning of time He thought of us... a team of 14 ladies, called by Him... at the fullness of time he called us each into His marvellous light... He gave us all a story, He ministered to our hearts.. He brought us together to make the invisible Christ visible through His love, His Spirit working through us...

tomorrow morning 10 am the doors of Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center are going to be open to the public.... we will be spending many hours organizing and labelling all the beautiful baby things given to  us by the congregation and friends and our families, their generosity such a blessing.....
How blessed we are.... so ready to pass on this blessing... 5 pregnant teenage girls in Georgetown alone.. referred to us.... praying they will take the step and come... so that we can love them...
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.... we will forever Praise YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

..profound, soul deep sadness... I am NOT of this world...

...once again, the weekend... a day that was supposed to be another busy one, the last few weeks have been extremely busy, turned into a day of rest... I find myself alone at home... it is cold and windy and ugly outside....  listening to the little preview that was posted of a song of the album "Glory" that will be released on November 22... another gem, composed and played so beautifully by Michael W. Smith, recording it on my iphone a few times in a row so that it makes a "real" song...
the music touches my innermost being.... my soul resonates, and tears are rolling down my face.... it's this sadness, this sadness that is so deep inside my soul...
as humans, we always are looking to explain why we feel the way we feel...
well, I have been hurt, lied to, betrayed, I have been abandoned and mistreated, not just by my Ex husband, but by other significant people in my life, I have had my share of disappointments, I made bad choices and have suffered the consequences.... but, this sadness, it is not brought on by those things alone...
it is a sadness I have felt my entire life... I think it is a feeling of loneliness and not belonging... a longing for something so deep, I am more and more convinced it is not to be found on this earth...
caught myself thinking today, that with the men in my life so far, why am I even wanting another one ... crazy...
listening to this amazingly beautiful little composition, I fear that NO ONE will ever understand me... the next thought is that He who made me understands me and my longing is for Him...
this is were the emptiness and loneliness is really rooted... living in a world where this is true :

" For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things.  But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,  who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."Philippians 3:18-21)

Oh, I know so well how blessed I am to be His child... I love Him, I am so thankful for the purpose He has for me... tomorrow is the Grand Opening of Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center... my "baby".... God is amazing... and still.... my deepest longing is to be home... Home with Him, who knows my heart... my Maker is my husband.. the Lord Almighty is His name... He is my Redeemer and my King... the lover of my soul, my All in All....
and so today.. I have to be brave.. my heart is heavy and sad.... not because of the things people have done to me or because I am alone... it is because I am a stranger in this world... and I feel it.... I really do..

..a Thanksgiving Blessing..

on a very positive note.... I am overflowing with thankfulness because my parents came to visit from Switzerland, we had a great Thanksgiving meal together yesterday...
My mother looks great and it is so amazing to have her back. it has only been  6 1/2 months since she one morning experienced a pain so horrible, my father said she was screaming like a dying animal, he said he had never heard anything like this before..
your intestines bursting, ripping apart .. can't be such a great thing for sure... the septic shock her body went in almost killed her... it took a very long time to regain strength and be without constant pain... the threat of the cancer returning hanging over her still...

spending time with her yesterday, she seems to be back to her normal spunk and strength... what a blessing from God... incredible...
we will never forget the 10 days in the ICU, fearing for her life and the very slow and painful weeks following..
I just had to hug and hold her over and over again since she arrived... so very thankful I still have her...

I will cherish the time we have together, continue to pray for her salvation and love her with all my heart..

Thank you Lord for healing my mother, we know it was you who did... thank you for a joy filled day yesterday.. may she come to know you as her Saviour as well....
I praise you Lord for your love for us... AMEN

...God my maker is my husband...

..seeking Him in the morning... dwelling on Him throughout the day, repeating my memory work to myself...I have found again what I had lost over the last few months.. sweet fellowship with my Redeemer... who has given me this scripture that touches me deep in my soul:


“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
   Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
   and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
 For your Maker is your husband—
   the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
   he is called the God of all the earth.
 The LORD will call you back
   as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
   only to be rejected,” says your God.
Isaiah 54: 4-6


another one.. the one I decided to memorize first.. is this:

 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6: 19-20

when I was married.. even though at times  not (in the end never at all) receiving what my soul really needed, not feeling loved or important... I would have NEVER even entertained the thought of cheating on my husband or getting some of what I needed somewhere else... Jesus, the Lover of my Soul definitely gave me everything I needed to stay true to the covenant between me and my husband..

rejected and tossed aside, replaced even while I was still thinking I was in a marriage, erased from a life together, divorced after 10 months of being separated... all of a sudden it seemed that I was not whole, I needed to be completed again by a man... with todays technical means a whole world of possibilities seemed to be at my fingertips... loneliness and the after math of a basically lifelong rejection by significant males didn't help..
clinging to Jesus for mere survival in the beginning, over time I took my eyes off Him...

so thankful today that He really never lets go of me, so thankful that my guilt and shame and His gentle interference and amazing timing brought me back into the safe place with Him...

knowing how vulnerable I really am I have chosen to memorize these two scriptures... for God, my maker is my husband... as much as I would have never cheated on my husband, even though he was, I will NOT cheat on my God and maker... until the day He releases me to the man He has for me I am going to run to Him in my loneliness and rejection.. when I feel less valuable because I am single, when I feel so utterly forgotten and abandoned... these feelings are real and they assault me at night..
by His grace I will dwell on the truth over and over again so that it will be written on my heart:
my Lord has called me back, because I am a wife deserted and distressed in spirit, a wife who married young, only to be rejected...
I trust Him that I will not have to remember the shame of my youth or the reproach of my "divorce" the ultimate abandonment by my husband..

I know I am not strong enough to pull this off, but I know that He is strong when I am weak.... that His grace is sufficient for me...I am just having to rely on that...

.. keeping me strong...

...disillusionment and self pity, wants and desires... doubting God's sovereignty and not trusting Him to want my best... exploring some territory outside His general will... wanting to believe that His specific will for me would be just a little bit outside that.. oh how good we are at justifying and rationalizing things away... I had to come to this, even though I was fighting it tooth and nails... you know the story..

but in His faithfulness, His lovingkindness, He was not mad at me, He had not turned away, His loving gaze had been on me while I was engrossed in my futile struggles to find MY happiness....

Blessed is the one 

   whose transgressions are forgiven, 

   whose sins are covered. 

 Blessed is the one 

   whose sin the LORD does not count against them 

   and in whose spirit is no deceit.

  When I kept silent, 

   my bones wasted away 

   through my groaning all day long. 

 For day and night 

   your hand was heavy on me; 

my strength was sapped 

   as in the heat of summer.

  Then I acknowledged my sin to you 

   and did not cover up my iniquity. 

I said, “I will confess 

   my transgressions to the LORD.” 

And you forgave 

   the guilt of my sin.

 Therefore let all the faithful pray to you 

   while you may be found; 

surely the rising of the mighty waters 

   will not reach them. 

 You are my hiding place; 

   you will protect me from trouble 

   and surround me with songs of deliverance.

Engaging in the SCC ( Solitude, Cell, Celebration)  lifestyle, promoted by my church... refocused and deeply immersed into His Word... this is what He said to me this week:

I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts he has given you, now that you belong to Christ Jesus.  Through him, God has enriched your church in every way—with all of your eloquent words and all of your knowledge.  This confirms that what I told you about Christ is true.  Now you have every spiritual gift you need as you eagerly wait for the return of our Lord Jesus Christ.  He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be free from all blame on the day when our Lord Jesus Christ returns.  God will do this, for he is faithful to do what he says, and he has invited you into partnership with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. ( 1 Corinthians 1: 4-9 )

dabbling in doing things my way, since God "obviously didn't care", has consequences.. facing those this week I needed to be encouraged and that is exactly what He did... He said He will keep me strong to the end, so that I am without blame...He will do it, because He IS faithful.. when loneliness and sadness comes at night, when attacks are originating from inside my own house... He has kept me strong.. and I am encouraged...

10 more sleeps until the Grand Opening and then the next day we are OPEN... Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center is a reality... and so very needed!!!!! Affirmation of that has come our way every day!!!!!

How could I trust Him for this and not for my own personal life? It made no sense.. I am so thankful that He put things into perspective once more....

.. delayed anger... the aftermath of a divorce...

.. in the 17 and a bit years of being a follower of Christ, and because of my make up.. I am a logical thinker.. I have come to deal with things a certain way..  I have learned to accept things that I cannot change and trust that God knows best...

well, this is not a bad thing, but, I am realizing now that this is why I am feeling the way I feel right now..
the last 2 + years have been horrifyingly difficult.. the stuff that has happened has been heart wrenching and immensely painful.

wanting so much to be who God wants me to be I accepted all that came my way and tried to deal with it as well as I understood at the time..
when I found out about the affair my husband had, I confronted him and forgave... I wanted to do whatever it took to make this work out... when he left anyways, I accepted it as a bad choice that was causing hurt and has many consequences, by someone who didn't know any better... I forgave... and accepted the pain...

when going to Divorce Care a year ago I realized that I had never been angry, but I was not going to fake anger, there just was none... I knew anger wouldn't make a difference so I must have just decided to accept when all this went down..

so now, actually a year after the divorce became official, yup, October 4 was the day last year, I am angry... still not so much with my Ex, but more with God...
when counseling I have always very much proclaimed that this is a healthy thing and that God can take it, I know this to be true, I never suppressed any anger, I just wasn't angry...

a months ago or so, after feeling very alone at a "community" event, I realized just how angry I am with the situation I am in... perpetrated by a man who promised to stand by me and never leave me, allowed by the God who has my best interest in mind... yeah right...
I realized I was not okay and I did NOT accept where I was... I don't want to be alone....
so I took matters into my own hands... let's just say... not a good thing... being in that place of anger and disillusion really made me feel miserable... going ahead with dating someone who was not a born again Christian felt good while having a great time over dinners out, but was wrong... I resented that I felt guilty and ashamed and knew in my heart that I needed to put an end to it.. I was angry and decided I didn't care... but... I just couldn't do it.... I told some friends and put an end to it...
I am still ticked off that I am the one who can't just have fun and happiness, that somehow I have to be the one who does everything "right" and always end up paying the price for what other's have done..

there is no way of knowing when we will be done with dealing with the aftermath of this family breaking apart... it just continues to wreak havoc in all our lives... I am sick of it... I cannot see where the good is ...

it bugs me that even though I am writing this I know where some good has come from it all, just looking where God has led me with the Pregnancy Center I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would not have been able to follow His calling the way I have now, had I not experienced what I have...
still... weddings, and pictures, and utter loneliness... my daughters growing up... and moving on.. I hate where I am right now...

so, it is delayed, but I am ANGRY... all of this should not have happened... it just was not right... I know all the answers and how it all works out... I believe it all.... but I am ticked off... I really am.

...smile: your mother chose life...

"I feel the greatest destroyer of peace today is “Abortion”, because it is a war against the child… A direct killing of the innocent child, “Murder” by the mother herself… And if we can accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell other people not to kill one another? How do we persuade a woman not to have an abortion? As always, we must persuade her with love… And we remind ourselves that love means to be willing to give until it hurts…" – Mother Teresa


"I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion is already born.”  -Ronald Reagan, and he goes on to say:

"Simple morality dictates that unless and until someone can prove the unborn human is not alive, we must give it the benefit of the doubt and assume it is (alive). And, thus, it should be entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."
"Each child is sent into this world by God with a "Unique Message" to deliver, a new personal act of love to bestow"...- John Powell, S.J. , Professor of Theology
Science is helping the cause.. it is getting harder and harder to pretend that there is no real human life , that what we are dealing with is just a blob of tissue... with tiny little video cameras and 3D ultrasounds we have seen a few week old fetuses and we cannot allow the fact that people are not well educated about those things guide their decisions..
someone said instead of trying to convince "Pro- Choice" people we need to share our knowledge with whoever is willing to listen...
this is what is going to make the difference.. and this is what the work at the center is going to be... educating women, allowing them to make a decision based on facts and not on slogans and lies... born not from fear and confusion but rooted in knowledge and truth..
I have been open about the fact that I too had an abortion, my passion to try to educate and pray and support women is born from a deep compassion and understanding.. if anything, I can relate and empathize with what they are feeling... this is why I want to be there for them, this is why we have been training up the volunteers... so that they too can be a fountain of understanding, love and compassion, free from any judgemental feelings, just filled with love for the women...
heard that we will have at least two if not more girls at our door as soon as we open... a great number of girls that just had babies around as well, maybe a Teen moms group is in our near future... as I was driving to the office this morning I thought about how I had been wondering if my typical North American little suburban town would need a place like this.... I guess God knew.. duh... He knows everything...
#SoliDeoGloria

.. a Challenge to fight FOR unity...let's do it!!!

challenged EVERYWHERE to reclaim what the church is all about...  a community of forgiven sinners, only by His strength and grace able to strive to love like He does..
let's stop being Hypocrites preaching to the world about forgiveness and love and failing to live authentically and with integrity doing just that....yes, even inside the church...
slander and gossip, sins as grave as any other sin...my passionate prayer: REMOVE the plank in our own eyes and let us not get upset about the splinter in someone else's eyes... if you have nothing encouraging and edifying to say: STOP talking...check your heart.. pride and selfishness... get rid of it!!!

as the excitement is rising, only 17 sleeps until the Grand Opening of HOPE FOR LIFE PREGNANCY CARE CENTER, as we slowly are starting to grasp what exactly it is that God has called us to in this ministry... which is engaging in the fight to win souls... bringing hope and love and support... ultimately to advance the gospel.... it seems very timely that we are being challenged to be who we are called to be, a light in the darkness ...
to be challenged as in "To summon to action, effort, or use; to stimulate"
the challenge is to LIVE a Christian life, not by pretending to be holier than thou but by authentically walking the talk with humility, mercy and compassion...

what would Jesus do... it is a no brainer... HE is all about forgiveness, love and compassion... no judgement for the repentent sinner... He will remember our sins no more if we confess and turn away from them..
Praying for that kind of attitude to surprise the women that will be coming through the doors of Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center... let's, one woman at a time, show them who Jesus is, by "together making the invisible Christ visible"

.... knitted together in the mother's womb....

..today was a tough day, tough stuff to learn about and absorb, disturbing facts and information... leaving after a day of volunteer training exhausted and yet more assured that this team is a match made in heaven.. blessed and thankful.. bonding on a deeper level..
holding the little 10 week old fetus (one of our beautiful fetal models) in my hands while watching some of those videos...don't know why I did that but I was comforted by it, as if I was protecting it from what we learned about... how these little human beings are ripped out of their mother's uterus.. praying that by God's grace we will be instruments he will use to stop this from happening... sharing information and educating women and empowering them to make a better informed decision.. ultimately it is up to Him, He is the One who needs to change the hearts of those poor women, who are overwhelmed by the gravity of the situation  they are finding themselves in... compassion and such a burden for everyone facing this is weighing down my heart...
 no surprise that "everyday, mundane life" seems a little too much coming home.. the cloud of sadness and loneliness descending the moment I enter this house... a family consisting of an angry, unhappy teenager and me... a single parent, assaulted by just that fact.. "single parent"... when did I sign up for that? don't recall this..
God's goodness so evident all day... still there, just maybe hidden behind the Eeyore cloud???
opening up about some of the hurts today... should I be surprised I am being assaulted by the enemy as I am sitting here all by myself... seems that is what I am doing most evenings these days... usually this is more than fine... just today... not so fine...
exciting to be part of something that is apparently angering the enemy in such a way that he is using the most obvious things in our lives.. babies not sleeping through the night, dogs throwing up and loneliness... ha... you have to come up with other ways of discouraging us... because... this is NOT going to stop us, called by Him who is more than able to do whatever he calls us to do through us... we will be victorious, by His grace and His strength... just having to lean in a little deeper... snuggling a little closer into the embrace of the Lover of my Soul... the Saviour... Our Lord Jesus Christ... Praise be to Him !!!!

... trials and tribulations... :S

I wonder if there is anyone else out there that would be so happy if we could find a formula for some consistency, more stability... maybe it is just me, but it seems that just when you thought you dealt with one thing and figured it out for sure the next difficult situation arises...
I think it was James Mc Donald who said that as a Christian you can be sure that you are either in the middle, at the end or right before the next trial... not always huge ones, but something is always going on, he explained that our Father in Heaven is about refining us and he is committed to do that until the day He takes us home....
stomach flu in the house is probably not helping, and so I am not concerned... just tired...
why does a Mother have to be the one to be  called "unfair" and "mean"... not kidding.. I am sure next to God I do love my daughter the most. I am the one that thinks about, prays for her and invests herself most, so that she will grow up to be a healthy adult who will be able to engage in a meaningful journey...
I am tired...  just on Saturday I was telling this wonderful group of volunteers that they can be sure that the enemy is going to try to make them miserable and that we, my partner and I have had quite the share of this in the last 12 months... we are entering into a battle .. and he doesn't like that... the great news is that this battle was won on a Sunday morning almost 2000 years ago, when the tomb was empty ...
this does not mean that it is not real for us and that we have actual things that are going to be hard... but ultimately we are on the winning side... the victory has been won... my teenager is going to turn out okay, even if it will take many more of my hairs to turn grey.. in this situation He too is going to be victorious, He has claimed her as His own, and He won't let her go....
so, a little time off from turmoil for me, maybe???
I would really appreciate it.... please????? relying on Him to give me the strength to go on, what else can one do? at least He is where He promised to be, right here with me.... Praise God!!!

... by your love they will know...

wow... a Sunday school room filled with 13 women... 13 binders, a mac book, a projector, a TV, DVD and VCR player.. coffee, tea, cookies.... and...the HOLY SPIRIT...


truth, information, insight, historical background, statistics, phenomenal images of God's creation, a look into the womb...


little hand scratching tiny face.. little tongue sticking out.. how precious, forms and regulations, policies, ethics and mentoring lessons...


excitement and passion rising to the surface ... like wild water rafting... everyone gets caught up in the exhilaration...


purpose and truth.. no one is there by chance... 

For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)


filled to overflowing with a love for Him who calls us, for one another and any woman or man in crisis that will come to us, God willing... that is how we show the world who Jesus really is, that we love them with His love, support and care for them, without judgement, but just with love and as we set apart Christ as Lord in our hearts, we are always  prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks us to give the reason for the hope  and love and joy that we have and we will do this with gentleness and respect... ( 1 Peter 3:15)


Thanking God for a GREAT and ENCOURAGING first day of Volunteer training for Hope for Life Pregnancy Care Center.... #SoliDeoGloria