... coming home....

Have you ever come home, have come inside from the cold, hostile, dark and stormy night... out there you felt scared, alone, cold and helpless... then you opened the heavy wooden door... and right then you entered into the warmth, the light and the smiles of your family were welcoming you into the fold of their protection... the love in your Father's eyes meeting your eyes and warming your heart... security, acceptance and LOVE better than anything ever imagined.... Warmth enveloping you like a nice and fluffy super soft blanket... Oh, and let's not forget... a fire going in the fireplace.... 


Last night, when meeting with the Elders all of a sudden my computer would not turn on. My carefully prepared Power Point.... not available... a last minute attempt of the evil one to thwart God's plans and frazzle me to an extend that I would not be able to present well what I think is His calling on my life... 
( some might say that my Macbook just had a bad moment.... and then again, only those without a Macbook could ever even imagine that.... I have NOT have had any trouble with my computer and I do not have any trouble now....)


Long story short.. there I was, in a room with a huge amount of men... could have been intimidating... but it wasn't... I tried as good as I could to make my presentation from memory ( and that is me... remember the purse...yeah...) I think I covered the material well enough and asked them to please pray to find out if this is really from God and not just my idea...


The response I got was encouraging and now these godly men will pray and seek God earnestly in their capacity as the leaders of the church, the church which is my home... my family... they are the head of that family and when they responded to me and prayed for me I felt loved and secure...


Leaving I was overwhelmed by an emotion of thankfulness and love... it was Worship Team Practice night and I snuck into the sanctuary to praise Him for showing me His love and care in such a tangible way.... the picture of the fireplace and the cozy and safe home... you guessed it... that's how I felt last night.... Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.. in His great mercy He has made me His own.. and He will ALWAYS take care of me... both now and forever more..... 

... Confirmation Wanted....

... today , tonite actually is the big night...the excitement is rising... thanks to very faithful friends I am not at all feeling insecure about presenting my life's dream before a whole room full of honorable, godly men.
Weird, not at all my natural inclination, so all by God's grace and in His strength... Cool, that's the way it should be. Relying on Him fully.

The last few days have been rather adventurous.. and this is a nice word... I could say tumultuous ... or I could use other words I would not use... you get the picture... many things went wrong... not horribly wrong but still causing upheaval and extra stress, unnecessary and just ughhhhhhhh....

It started on the weekend with this stupid cold and cough... and then the window ... got that fixed,.. finalizing the move, the mortgage, the presentation for tonite..taking care of everything and still being sick.. drove to Cambridge Wednesday morning, parked my car in the front... new window.., didn't want to run the risk of it being smashed in again.. :(

my little one at "take your kid to work" day... calling me sobbing.... throwing me off, on my way to pick her up I realized I left my purse at the Center... thats 60 km away from home... thankfully someone I know who works in Cambridge and lives half way my way was kind enough to meet me with my purse... drove there in a fog, feeling like I was going to faint, went to see a friend on the way home and.... left my purse there AGAIN....

not sure what that means... my head is spinning with too much going on, information overload and a sinus infection..... I should not carry a purse... or, someone was trying to throw me off enough to be too frazzled to do what I believe God is calling me to do...

which is to respectfully present to the Elders of my church the passion God has placed in my heart and ask them for direction and confirmation...

It's all good, my purse is safely with me at the moment, the presentation prepared, movers scheduled, services moved to the new house, paper work signed and moneys transferred... children comforted, floors vacuumed, laundry folded, dogs taken outside and fed, teenage mothers encouraged, friends prayed for..... all is good...  and all is well with my soul.....

Reading in 1 Peter 5 this past week... verse 8 to 11:


Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

I think that was what was happening... he was prowling... he got me frazzled, he got me exhausted, he got me foggy and dizzy.... but in the end, he cannot stop God's good and perfect will from being accomplished... because we also know this:
... the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. ( 1 John 4:4 )

So I am saying... bring it on, you can't stop me because I am a child of the King of Kings.... and He is sovereign over all creation.... may His will be done tonite as the Elders, called by Him, will discern if I have been hearing from God and if the timing is right... Whatever the outcome will be, to God be the glory forever, Amen

... comfort overflowing....

... reading and meditating on 1 Peter over the last month and a half has been a wonderful thing... definitely timely for me, with all the suffering as a theme...Great to get a better perspective on this..


Sharing in the sufferings of Christ is a privilege, bringing us closer to Him who never complained or tried to get out of the suffering. He chose to do this because He was focusing on the joy laid before Him...which was to reconcile us to the Father..


And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. ( 1 Peter 5:10)

.. in the same passage we read this:
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

He does, He really does.... tonite, my girls and a friend of theirs were all going out for another family outing that included everyone but me... seems to be happening a lot lately... so tonite could potentially have been another night marked by waves of sadness... but because He cares the opposite was the case actually...
my mother and sister dropped by for a quick visit, to see how I was doing... that was very kind of them... next, my "Hero to the Rescue" came and fixed my window, Hallelujah... it was -3 Degree Celsius this morning...I do no longer feel unsafe and exposed.... then a new friend came over and we had a great time of sharing and watched a movie after I burned the first bag of Popcorn... ;)
the gas fireplace was brought to life and with the 2 white fluff balls curled up all night this could not have been a nicer evening.

I am fully aware that all good things come from God in Heaven... who does care...

For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. (2 Cor 1:5 )

Now this is the truth:
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. ( Romans 5 :1-5)


Because I know He is the one that orchestrates our lives down to the tiniest detail I thank Him and Praise Him that the comfort overflows... not just the suffering..

.... safe and secure???

....I had a nice evening last night.... great conversation...really nice... this morning when waking up cough was worse, congestion was worse... but nothing is holding back "Superwoman"... hahaha... no seriously, I try to live up to the commitments I make... so I got my girlies and myself going...  was on my way to Cambridge by 8....
My first client didn't show up... called the second one, she wasn't going to come either.. too uncomfortable and sick as well, wow, this looked like a sad day right there... thankfully the one that was scheduled for 10 walked in at 11:15... she and her mother had been moved to another shelter and it took them quite some time to get to the Center... I really have  connected with her so I was very happy she made the effort to come...
When the time came to get going I went to my car, parked behind the center, as always.... I opened the door and saw glass shards on my seat... didn't quite get it... looked around.. and there it was... the passenger window had been smashed in, the glove box was open and all kinds of stuff was lying on the floor.... my car had been broken into.. I couldn't believe it....
Stunned as I was I went back into the center and called 911...
After finding out that there was nothing the police was going to do I left to get the window taped up a bit at least... I did have to drive 60 km to get home.. wow...
Now thankfully for some reason I had taken my ipod and my purse with me that morning... I have been known to leave all kinds of things in my car... that will not happen again...
Anyways, other than a few CDs nothing was stolen from my car....a new window will be put in tomorrow already ( thanks to a wonderful brother in Christ...) it was a little cold on my way home and my cough seems to have gotten a bit worse...oh well.....
This incident made me feel violated I have to admit... I know that this was a random thing and has nothing to do with me... but still...I also felt quite alone,  in a situation like this the need a woman has for SECURITY is shaken up big time... especially when there is no more husband... no one anymore to take this over for you, hold you and whisper in your ear that all will be well..... Needed the help of a friend to pick up my youngest from school, I couldn't make it... had to take back roads and go slower than usual...thank the Lord for the support I have...
Drove home like in a fog... fighting tears a few times ... prayed and let Him know how I was feeling... and the truth is...this is no big deal, no one got hurt, the car will be fixed, nothing that was very important was taken... I guess this was just one more little speed bump... a reminder that there is trouble in this world.. but that as much as on a certain level I am alone... I am not... He has surrounded me with great friends that are willing to help me with whatever I need.... to bring the day to a perfect end a dear friend just dropped off some soup and freshly baked muffins... Christ above me, Christ beside me, Christ within me ever guiding, Christ behind me, Christ before...Christ my love, my life, my all.....

With Him all present, ministering to us through His people... and within us through the Spirit... what can man do to us... after all, God is for us....

... examine yourself....

... today is Halloween... I hate Halloween.. anything dark and so obviously NOT from God repulses me.. so sorry, I am not giving out candy... not me... have some different opinions about that as well... I know, I am no fun.
This morning... Church... Hallelujah... it was another amazing service... Great Worship, a sermon once again challenging us to live authentically, following Christ, allowing Him to be Lord over all areas of our lives...
Actually, we really need to do that... if we say He is Lord, He needs to be Lord... otherwise we are not representing Him well and are hurting the cause...

Only through Him can we have this kind of an authentic walk, only He can make us act in love and not react in anger and revenge... if we are  not increasingly becoming more and more like that we need to be asking ourselves if we will be one of those people that when we see our Lord in person get's this answer... why are you calling me Lord... I do not know you...

So let's do this...Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test? 2 Cor 13:5

How can we know.... well, if the Holy Spirit is in us... we will see changes as He is growing His fruit in us... a desire to serve Him and know Him more.. deep sorrow when we slip and increased love when we find His forgiveness and unconditional love...

He has promised us this:

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

So let us examine ourselves, let us surrender to Him and seek His face daily... not only can we then be sure to be one of His children, but we also will be filled by His love and we won't be able to contain it....
others will be blessed... Thank You Lord..

.. light breaking through???

..done with sin???? dying to it???? Is that even possible while we are here? wow... that would be a great thing... how to achieve this I wonder... best would be to be able to flick a switch... a miracle... but, what can I say, I doubt it would happen that way...


In 1 Peter chapter 4 it says something intriguing:


Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. 


Intriguing for sure...


Done with sin... no more evil human desires??? I would love to meet someone who can give testimony about this... I am thinking it must be some very old, very sick for a very long time person... for this to work out...


Examining myself , after almost 16 and a half years of walking with Him, choosing to follow Him and by His grace succeeding to be obedient once in a while I am far from anywhere near this goal... not enough suffering, in my body? 


It goes on in 1 Peter...
..be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.


Some steps towards the goal : be clear minded, self controlled,pray, love deeply to cover over a multitude of sins.. don't grumble but serve, extend grace through it and do it by God's strength...


further on..
do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.


and finally:
So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.


Here we are... that's how it goes... commit yourself to the Lord and continue to do good...
This is a daily, step by step commitment... to accept suffering and to rely on Him, through praying and serving bringing glory to God....  


still sick today... circumstances not changed..some more light shed on my life through His Word... light breaking through Eeyore's cloud... a better look at the Truth.. fixing my eyes on Jesus... thanks be to God for His unending patience and His powerful way of penetrating the darkness... committing myself again... committed for another step along the way.. by His strength...  

... under the cloud of sin and wrong choices....

..to live in this world..in the mug... in the middle of the heartbreak, the lies, the lack of morals and loyalty...the selfish choices and the total disregard of others... the confusion over what is right and what is wrong, the injustices, the devastation... it is so black... it is so overwhelming, so painful, so unfair...so hopeless and so exhausting...

To be called out of this darkness into the light... it is amazing. To be sucked back into it at times is unfortunate.

I am "rememorizing" 1 Peter 1 right now... and there it says... Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that will never perish spoil or fade kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed  in the last time.
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to SUFFER  GRIEF in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold which perishes even though refined by fire - is proven to be genuine and may result in praise , glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed....

May have had to suffer???????????? just today a big wave pulled me under... took my breath away and had me realize AGAIN how horrible sin's consequences are ( and that I have to live "in" those consequences, even if I didn't commit the sin)... May have had to suffer???.... maybe it should go like that:  you ARE and always to a certain extent WILL BE suffering......that is depressing ... hopeless, really, but then... so that your faith may be proven GENUINE and will result in GLORY , HONOR and PRAISE for Jesus..

Hmmm. Right now, right now I do not like this one bit, I have a cold and like I said was hit with a baseball bat over the head with the "facts" of my life....so I AM fed up and very sad... the truth of the memorized scripture is still that: TRUTH  and He, the Truth, the Way and the Life is the one that called me out of the darkness into His marvelous light... right now, because of the black cloud, I might not see it, but that doesn't mean it is not there...

Just this morning, before all this happened, I was thinking how I just still have such a hard time that he could have just walked away from the commitment and US... dismissed us as worthless...

I need to focus on the fact that this does not mean we ARE worthless, it really only means that one person made a very wrong choice... and we have to live with the consequences... bummer...

If it results in GLORY PRAISE and HONOR I guess I am okay with it... anything for Him...the one that gives me my worth... hmmmmm, sucky night...  Pray for us....

... sold out to Him...

.. this morning at RENEW... during our Worship time... He was telling me something...I felt so warm and full of joy, knowing I was at home.. home in the place where I belong... home where I can be myself... in His house, with His people, for the first time since I became His child living a 100% for Him..
Realizing that my love and passion for my Saviour defines me.. it is okay to be "just" that... not just tolerated and sometimes made fun off.. my passion looked upon as being fanatic... not able to share this passion with the one I was sharing my life with... something always missing ... this part of me allowed to be lived out only in the ministries I was serving and with my Christian girl friends..
I never  knew that some part of me was always tucked away when I was the wife that was trying to make it work ( in His strength.. funny isn't it ) never aware I was putting some part of me on hold... nobody made me do that.. I just did...
Now, as I am getting more and more comfortable being "just me" there is no more reason for me to hide who I really am... a grateful follower of Jesus Christ, fully sold out to Him, living out of the abundance of His love that is oozing out of me... unstoppable no matter the cost....
I have been told numerous times that I was too intense, that not everything had to do with God and the Spiritual Realm... when I always see what is going on on this level ...
This morning He made that clear to me.. that I am me, Miriam, His beloved child and that He has made me into this passionate and totally committed to Him woman... that my purpose is to represent Him to the world and that this is GOOD. That it is all I need, and that this is the reason He allowed the sin that was committed against me... allowing me to know from the bottom of my heart that I had done everything I could to make my marriage work ... He allowed it to set me free, to be free to be who He has made me to be...
My heart once again is overflowing with thankfulness and awe.... uncontainable, overwhelming... and I know that many people just cannot relate and understand what is going on.. .and that is okay...
My focus is to follow Him, worrying not how to please men but how to please Him who died for me.... surrendering my will, my life, my hopes and desires... and realizing that I will not settle... that if there is a man that God has for me it will have to be someone who is as crazily in love with Him who is the reason we are here.. the lover of my soul.. my Redeemer and King...my Jesus!!!

.. he loves me... he loves me not...

..he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me.. he loves me not... remember that game.. all the poor, unsuspecting flowers getting their petals ripped off in an attempt to find out if he, the one we like, loves us... little girls are doing it... girls a little older do it and even "old" girls are still vulnerable and insecure..
especially when, like me, they found out the hard way that the one who said he loved her turned out to have been lying about it for a time and eventually admits that he DOESN'T..
Over the last year or so, after what I had fearfully suspected was proven to be a fact.. ... I have continually struggled with this....
As a born again Christian, in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He actually does love me... not only that, He made me the way I am, is constantly very gently making me even better... He will always love me and nothing can ever change that...but.... the need to be validated by a human, real flesh man is creeping up... again and again... sometimes it is only a "little need"... that is easily dealt with through prayer and time with Him, the one true love I have.. He helps by giving me other stuff to focus on, opportunities of service and joy through blessings from Him, like my kids and my friends...
Other times it comes over me like a black cloud, and this cloud follows me around... (I always have had a close connection to Eeyore... what a cute little munchkin....) then it is harder to shake off and then I am saddened  for a bit longer...
Then there are other times when I am walking in the warmth of the embrace of my Father in Heaven and I feel so loved.. it is amazing...
So, is it going to stay like this forever? the changes? There are less "very needy" times, for sure.. so maybe it will change.. I am actually pretty fine alone, most of the time, enjoying the freedom....but then the Eeyore moments come and again my Saviour has to pick me up and put me back on my feet... so glad He does not get annoyed easily... actually He has amazing patience and love for me...
He does make me smile... and He does give me strength... He is the One that lifts me up... and keeps me close.... no need to pull out flower petals, no need to wonder and fret... I know that I know that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus loves me... because the Bible tells me so...  :)

... we are living stones...

.. an new morning and God's mercies are new again... Heading to Cambridge again and meeting with 2 clients.... the one professes to be a buddhist, the other was brought up Catholic and had no trouble us praying for her when she came the first time...

As I am so excited for what God is doing in my life and as the fact that I get to share Him and His love with those that do not know Him I need to make something very clear....

Jesus came to save the lost and when He left He gave us the Great Commission... telling us to go and make disciples of all nations... He also came to give us something very worth wile, He gave it to us, because he knew, considering we are made in His image and He is in constant community ( The Trinity...)  we needed it...He gave us the church, His body, to be encouraged, held accountable, taught and ministered to, a "building" of living stones, build on the Cornerstone,  Jesus Christ....

Jesus disciples, at the Day of Pentecost, when the Counselor that Jesus had promised them came over them did just that, he made them into a church, a community of believers and from there it spread...

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.  

(Acts 2: 42-47)

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.(Hebrews 10:24 -26)

As I go out into the world so to speak, by God's grace, I am deeply rooted in the spiritual building He allowed me to become part of by serving Him, worshipping and learning together, making the Invisible Christ visible together..

And this is where I return to, to be build up and encouraged, to be spurred on, to be loved, to be ministered to and to minister to others...

Jesus, who gave His life for His bride, the church has this plan for me and for you.... to be part of a community of believers, to worship Him together to seek Him there and on our own in our Secret Place, and from there go out and make disciples... because He came so that we would bring the Good News to them ....to those that have not heard about Him... who alone can bring salvation and a purpose... I love Him and I love the church He has placed me in...

.. let His light shine...

The other day in my JOG group ( Journey of Growth, a mentoring ministry that was given to my beautiful, godly and wise pastor's wife) after reciting our memory work, sharing how God had spoken to us through the passage we were reading that week, accountability and prayer, we somehow ended up talking about what our names meant... and what was our verse, according to the book my friend owns...
Her verse turned out to be one of my most favorite verses :

Zephaniah 3:17

The LORD your God is with you,
       he is mighty to save.
       He will take great delight in you,
       he will quiet you with his love,
       he will rejoice over you with singing."

Not fair...I should have had this one  ;)....but good for her..
She was kind enough to look my name up for me..


Miriam...
Inherent Meaning: Dwelling in the Spirit,
Spiritual Connotation: Discerning one...
My verse : Matthew 5:14-16 "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. ♥ ( original heart from my friend... she is cute like that :)

Now, isn't that amazing, it definitely totally confirmed all He has been revealing to me over the years of me being a Christian... all I have been hearing lately... Dwelling in the Spirit... this has been my prayer every morning for so long... Discernment, one of my spiritual gifts.. cool, and then the verse...
This has been my focus, shown to me by God for so long as well, and just lately it definitely has been the main focus.... no idea how the author of the book comes up with this, and really, it doesn't matter..

 Believing that God is sovereign over all Creation,
Isaiah 45: 6-7
I am the LORD there is no other,
I form the light and create darkness,
I bring prosperity and create disaster;
I, the LORD, do all these things.

this is what He wanted me to hear.... how kind and amazingly loving of Him..the attention to detail blows me away again and again...
so today, as every day, I am asking Him to let my light, which is really His light pouring out through the cracks in me ( cracks left by sin and wrong choices of myself and others ) SHINE today, so that HE would be revealed in me and glorified through me.. because NEWS FLASH...that's why we are here...

.. a broken world without hope...

.. it would be really interesting to find out how we come up with this... we are selfish and full of pride.. liars, cheaters and greedy people...how did we come up with thinking we have a right to be perfectly happy and taken care of... how DID we ????

I think it is  something deep down inside, since we are made in the image of God, maybe there is some memory or idea how it should be... in the garden of Eden.. walking with the Lord, enjoying His love, attention, provision and care... right... that's probably why..

But back then, it happened, sin entered the world and brokenness has been the norm since... and until our eyes are opened by God's grace, revealing Himself to us and letting us get a glimpse of who we really are, corrupt and totally depraved, we have no idea and DEMAND all the good stuff, feeling entitled to judge others and get really upset that they are, as we are ourselves, totally unable to treat us that way..

Until 3 months ago, before getting involved at the Pregnancy Center I had NO IDEA!!! Oh, I had heard about people struggling, drugs, abuse, poverty... I had felt sorry and I had even prayed, given money for good causes etc. ... but, I had  no idea.

God had allowed me to reach out to hurting women and to extend His healing but that was all inside the church walls, ministering to people that already had received the most important gift there is..salvation through Jesus...

I am so thankful to have been led outside the walls in a capacity to try and make a difference for God's glory, to walk along side people that never had a chance... lost in a broken world, dealing with tough stuff, making wrong choices and just never able to get ahead and find some stability and hope.

How small even the "ultimate" betrayal by an unfaithful husband, the pain inflicted by some of the closest people stabbing me in the back seems in comparison to what these girls deal with on a daily basis..

Girls the same age as my girls, even younger, with so many scars already... so many losses and hurts...
and I am not saying that my girls have not been hurt by those letting us down, but I am realizing that through all this God has had us under His wings, protected for sure from greater harm.

Again, nothing compared to the 3 young women that I am mentoring now.. As I am praying for them I am fully aware that the biggest gift I have for them is not all the nice stuff they can find for their babies , or the help, support and encouragement I can give, but the one thing, that alone can make a difference in someone's life, the Good News, a relationship with the One who gave His life so that by His wounds we could be healed..

As I am relating to the women that come into the center, I pray that they would see Jesus in me and that His love would touch them and draw them close. I am thankful that sharing Him with others is something I love doing.. so as relationships are being established I will tell them about my best friend, the One who does not only have for me all I could ever need but who is always going to be there....and that He wants to be their friend too!!!!!!!!!!  :D

... a new morning....

... a new week...woke up with a headache, again... a long list of to do's... moving in less than a month...I really do NOT want to pack everything up again.... another consequence.. sucky...  "3" moves in one year... :(
The last few days were kind of grey, like the weather and for a while there I got a little discouraged.. I so want to be done with this...
Then, this morning, like every morning, I heard from God... He speaks to me from His word, and it is all very clear to me.. no surprises that we are facing trials.. but such a wonderful privilege to be called by His name... love His people, and that I do... feel His presence and know that HE is trustworthy and faithful... reliable... I guess that's one of the main things for me , and I shouldn't be surprised... promises broken leave you with a humongous need for someone who won't break His promises, thankfully I have known Him for a long time to be sure that I can trust Him...
Heading to Cambridge today, excited about that.. meeting with the lady I am working together to open our own Center tomorrow morning.. He is moving... in big ways and it is EXHILARATING !!!!!!!
So taking my eyes off the bleak, the grey and the painful ... fixing them on the One who calls me His sister and by His strength and grace I will embark on a new week... He gives and takes away... I will choose to say, Lord blessed is Your name!!!!!

...light and momentary troubles...

..this has been an interesting day...it's coming to an end, and that is a good thing. I am exhausted and spent emotionally.
This morning at RENEW, our Women's Bible Study, I was leading the discussion on how through Praise and Thanksgiving any circumstance becomes bearable because we are taking our eyes off ourselves and are fixing them on Him... how we are called to Praise God in the turmoil and thank Him rather than be negative and complain.
I thank God that tonight, confronted once again with the futility of life, appalled and saddened what a life lived without Him looks like in the later years.. I can praise my Father in Heaven once more for saving me...
rather than feeling defeated and empty after a quite depleting evening I  am reading all the "tweets" of the godly people I am following on twitter and I am being encouraged...
God is at work and He has amazing people out there serving Him in great and new ways...
Encouraged to look to Him and His Word rather than to the circumstances this is what comes to mind and points me in the right direction:
my light and momentary troubles are achieving for me an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Thanks to what He did for me, eternity is something to look forward to and not something to be feared...
even though a wave of sadness and loss came my way very unexpectedly this afternoon and made me cry..again... I rejoice that this day, like tomorrow is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it... through Him, the One who is greater than my yesterdays, who holds me close today, who is the Lord of my tomorrows.... I can face whatever comes my way and Praise Him in the Turmoil...

... intended for evil...

10 months ago something tragic happened ( actually 10 months and 2 days ago to be precise) a dramatic and shocking turn of events, a tsunami that knocked the life right out of us.

10 months later, one thing has become very clear to me... God in His sovereignty , after sifting what was coming at us through His loving fingers, allowed what was intended for evil...  because He was going to use it for good, to bring about  His purpose in my life... (I am trusting that the same is true for God's purpose for my children...)

intended for evil... God turning it into something good... sounds familiar?
right, Joseph, his envious brothers selling Him as a slave... God allowing it and using the evil to make sure Abraham's descendants would not have to starve during the famine..

10 months later, the wounds that were inflicted are healing slowly, scars will remain, a sadness that will probably never really leave for what was lost, but at the same time it seems that by losing my marriage I was freed up to pursue what God had been preparing me for my whole life. Allowing heartache and wrong choices, allowing me to serve and learn in Women's Ministry for many years, he finally brought me to the place where my greatest passion and the biggest perceived need intersected... the place where I will be able to bring the most glory to Him..who prepared these good works in advance for me.

today I found myself to be the only one at the Center to welcome a young pregnant girl and offer her our help. I set everything up for her to start the appropriate program. She left with a bag full of maternity clothes, some baby items, a lot of helpful info material and an appointment to meet with me for her first session next week. entering her data in the system and preparing her file made me feel that I was helping this young girl to find support and hope.

it feels like "in the fullness of time" God is bringing to fruition what He had planned from before I was born..
it fills my heart with gratitude that He would have a purpose for me, a place where I can extend His love to needy and lost women in a crisis situation bringing glory to Him and representing Him to the women that will come into "my" Center one day...

So, what was intended for evil... by God's grace might turn into something good after all...

....winter is coming...

..the sun is shining.. it is a crisp fall morning.. the colors are intense even though some trees already look a little bare... winter is definitely out there, on it's way to us.. we can count on it.
for some this is horrible news and they are already plotting how they can get away from it...
for some, there are mixed feelings... clear, really crisp winter mornings are on the way ( makes me think of skiing.. so much fun ) but then again, the freezing rain yuckiness... horribly cold winds... slush and slippery roads... hmmmmm..
we know it is coming, we would like to escape, but we know we can't, or not for long anyways.. after all, we are in Canada and winter stays with us for a very, very long time...
We can be sure of one thing though, and that is that spring definitely will come...and summer even, after that..

isn't that what our lives are like too??? Sometimes we know that the road ahead will not be an easy one and if we could, we really would like to get away... we also know though we can't escape it and that even in the difficult times there will be moments of joy ( Christmas is in the winter!!!)
we also know that with God there is always going to be spring and summer on the horizon...there is hope, there is a future in heaven with Him that has been guaranteed, there are blessings throughout and there will always be a silver lining... like those beautiful winter days.

it might be harsh at times and cold, but there is always the warmth and comfort of the shelter we have with our Father in Heaven, who, with His love will keep us warm.....He will protect us from harm and keep us safe through the barren winter months...

there is a reason for winter... there is a reason for the valleys and difficult times in our lives.. new life springs from it, growth and beauty.
we just need to trust in Him, who made it all, who put it all together and who is in total control of EVERYTHING that happens in and to His Creation.
the more we know Him the more we can trust Him...He is always there, like an open book (His Word) all we need to know is right there for us. we can meet Him face to face and draw as close as we desire.. He promised He will be there always, until the end of time...

so don't be discouraged by what might be ahead...He has it all figured out!!!
I Praise Him for the sunshine of today!!!

... Unmerited Favor......

...He has already done all that I will  ever need for me.. He, by dying on the cross has reconciled me with the Father, He has paid the penalty for my sin that would have separated me from my Creator and kept me in this place  (hell = eternal separation from God)... He had no reason to ever do anything else for me.. I didn't deserve the gift of His salvation anyways... Grace, the unmerited favor...
But.. like I said earlier today... His love surrounds me like a blanket, it keeps me warm and protected, I can take it with me wherever I go.. so I did... first, I went to pick my daughter up...


Hostile situation # 1.... I got to the Dance Studio where she had the rehearsal .. and she was gone.. drove there for nothing, she had gone home with another dancer's mother, they were done an hour earlier..forgot to call me to let me know.. got home, there she was and her first words to me were: "I am sorry Mami...." (about the conflict the night before)
Answer to prayer # 1


Hostile situation # 2  went to see my father... prayed on the way to have a quiet and gentle spirit and stay under the protection of my Father in Heaven... discussion turned out well... God is meeting my needs...
Answer to prayer # 2


Next situation, not hostile, but potentially disappointing...
worked wonderfully, even had an amazing chance to share the gospel resulting in this person very close to me asking me to read to him from the bible...
Huge answer to prayer # 3


You can be sure that I am going to praise my Lord for all He has done for me today... I am loving Him more now than I did earlier...why? because He first loved me..why? because He showers me with His favor... why? because He has never let me down... even when situations didn't turn out as well as the ones today....why? because sometimes He gives us exactly what we are asking for... How cool is that?


This morning... my most amazing pastor read to us from Psalm 91.. using it to explain what it meant to stay under the umbrella of God's protection by submitting to Him and those He put in authority over us... that's what happened today.. that's what is happening every day of my life, no matter the circumstances...



He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
       will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 
  I will say  of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
       my God, in whom I trust."
  Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
       and from the deadly pestilence.
  He will cover you with his feathers,
       and under his wings you will find refuge;
       his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
  You will not fear the terror of night,
       nor the arrow that flies by day,
  nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
       nor the plague that destroys at midday.
  A thousand may fall at your side,
       ten thousand at your right hand,
       but it will not come near you.
  You will only observe with your eyes
       and see the punishment of the wicked.
  If you make the Most High your dwelling—
       even the LORD, who is my refuge-
  then no harm will befall you,
       no disaster will come near your tent.
  For he will command his angels concerning you
       to guard you in all your ways;
  they will lift you up in their hands,
       so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
  You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
       you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
  "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
       I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
  He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
       I will be with him in trouble,
       I will deliver him and honor him.
  With long life will I satisfy him
       and show him my salvation."


Thank You Lord...

... submitting... I am loving it!!

Went to church this morning all by my lonesome.. was a little subdued... huge conflict last night with my youngest... I am a little scared how her teenage years will work out... not off to a very good start... the "Ex" traveling to NYC... that was "our" place.. can't even count anymore how often we have been there together in the last 18 years.. not too sad, just another realization of loss...

So anyways... church.... so many amazing friends there... many hugs and loving words.. met someone who I couldn't wait meeting.. didn't expect her to be at church.. cool..

Worship.... drawing close.. makes me smile... a smile born from a never ending fountain of joy... His love.

Then, the great Pastor.... best used vessel of God in all eternity... (I just LOVE my pastor...) preaching.. on 1 Peter 2:13-3:7.... some of this has been the passage in JOG this week for me as well..

Anyways, you know you are not in step with the world when a sermon preached on submission makes you giddy with joy and happiness... I guess this is the truth.. I am not of this world,  I am a stranger, but chosen by God, my citizenship is in heaven.. the sanctifying work of the Spirit in me has made that clear to me a long time ago: Submission to God and to your husband is a wonderful gift from Him who cares more and knows us better than even we do ourselves ( after all, He is the manufacturer!!!!!!!!) 

Staying under the umbrella of His protection is the safest and most rewarding place anyone could ever be in. I guess, even though I never had that warm and cozy and safe feeling in the arms of my earthly father I definitely know it and feel it physically from my Heavenly Father. I am blessed beyond anything that He would even have this for us... following Him closely, drawing close, obeying and trusting... really, even in the bleakest moments of the last year, this has been a love drenched place... this is where the smile comes from...

cleaned my house when I came home and then sat outside on my deck, the warm autumn sun shining on me and my puppies as I was sharing my rice cakes with them... and I just couldn't help but worshipping Him again... His love is warm, it wraps itself around me.. I can take this love wherever I go... so it will come with me today... when I have to face a few hostile situations.. Praise God

... family pictures...

... tomorrow we are going to have our family pictures taken... outside somewhere hoping the weather will be nice and.... the puppies can come along... how amazing is that?

We will have fun and I am sure our great photographer is going to take some cool shots...
It will also be another "first", another sad reminder... over the years we have had family pictures taken every other year, this will be the first one without the husband and father in the picture....we always picked the nicest one and had it enlarged and framed...when we moved I realized that really, these pictures will never be hung anywhere ever again.. all our family pictures...  there is one done for the directory of the church I used to go to many years ago... our youngest was just 6 weeks old... school family pictures, more church directory ones... nice ones on a cruise... and then the "normal" ones... all to be kept in the basement, no longer fit to be hung up.. I asked the kids if they wanted some of the smaller ones in their rooms and they declined... what a waste... strange how as soon as a family is broken apart no one will want to look at those pictures again..
it still blows me away how many layers there are...
with those pictures I will get the Christmas cards done, and once again, a first... no Dad on the Christmas card...
it seems nothing is forever ...but then again... one thing is...the 4 of us are in another family picture which is never going to change...our names have been engraved on the palm of the hand of God the Father...He will never leave us or forsake us, He will not walk out of the family pictures... this family picture is eternal...it is reliable.... we can build our future on it, place our hope in it..
We are sisters of Christ now and forever more. This family is not build on shifting sand but on the solid foundation of the Rock, our Lord Jesus Christ..He has made us His own and His love for us will never allow Him to just walk away... the comfort that we can find in that fact is PRICELESS...

.... excited.........

... great night tonite..  a fundraiser for the Pregnancy Center in Cambridge...Matt Day...funny guy, with an amazing voice and gifted hands ( a piano player..)  Clean Christian fun... haven't laughed this hard in a while....

Best of all, I got to go for dinner with 2 great friends..and on the way home, I got to share with them my excitement about how God is working in my life.. Explained to them what a Pregnancy Care Center offers for women that find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy. From Pregnancy tests, Options counseling, one on one mentoring for expectant mothers, young mom's groups, post abortion counseling, adoption counseling, to free baby and maternity clothing, toys, strollers and so on....
I told them about the way God has been confirming that I am meant to be opening a center somewhere in the area in the last 4 weeks.. how He has provided a partner in this for me and between her connections and expertise and my counseling background and all that I am learning at the center in Cambridge God has provided a big chunk of what is needed to get this going. I am going to work on a presentation for the elders for their next meeting the beginning of November. God willing we will be able to start preparing for opening the Center next year after that.
Looking back, it is rather easy to see how God has been orchestrating the events in my life since I was saved 16 years ago. Really, how He has been watching over me, allowing the hard stuff all along to bring me to this place where my passion and my abilities ( because He has equipped me ) come together to finally lead me to the place where I need to be.. I am prepared.. I am willing...I am more available than ever before... Amazing, only He could have put it together like this..
Matt Day shared a scripture today that I love very much, it is  in Ephesians 2:10 :
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
I love it!!!!