this last few days I have been reading through many of my old blog posts from 7 years ago and I have been reminded of a couple of things...
one is, how hard it was. another is how amazing God is. and yet another one how blessed I am today.
many of the things that were hard right after my husband left our family for good have changed for the better, many are still hard. new losses have occurred and things that looked a certain way are looking different now.
the one thing that has not changed is that the One who was there to help me through this very dark and tumultuous time is the same today as He was then. He actually has always and will always be the same.
how cool is that?
His love for me is the same today, yup, and I do hope that I am following Him closer now, that He has indeed changed me and made me more like Him in the last 7 years... but even if I hadn't changed much and even when I do struggle still today, He loves me the same He did when He first opened my eyes to see me for who I was and when I saw Him clearly for the very first time.. and my need for His salvation, the forgiveness of my sins, past, present and future...
walking with Him today looks different at times, yet He still meets all my needs.
losing my mother was / is hard, seeing some of my very loved ones walking away more and more...
having had to leave behind the ministry God gave me and finding my way in a new place, with new people, different dynamics and different hang ups... not that easy at times.. encountering scary things like the prospect of losing all my earthly belongings, immigration issues, hard hard stuff happening in the life of a loved one... all this has kept me on my knees, desperate for Him, with the need to know Him even more, to search His scriptures and to hold on to them...
committed to walking in a manner worthy of the Lord's calling I have had to dig deep at times.. when He called me to love the one that has caused so much heartache to me and others, I found myself struggling, walking rather discouraged and subdued He showed me that nothing could take my joy away.. that when I didn't really feel any joy much in my daily existence, when discouragement seemed to be far too big to be dealt with He told me to look at Galatians 5... the passage about the flesh and the Spirit... memorizing it all I chose to stand on the truth that joy, like love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control are fruit of the Spirit who lives in me.. and that made me think:
He lives in me. this fruit it mine. it is there for the living, for the taking. I don't have to jump through some hoops and somehow ramp up my walk as a Christian... He is in me.
memorizing Psalm 16 helped as well.... the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance... for He makes known to me the path of life, in His presence there is FULLNESS of JOY, at His right hand there are pleasures forevermore.....
when my circumstances and the resulting feelings want to make me feel like Eeyore under that black cloud, and let's face it, this has been my go to place by nature, I instead will recall from memory what He has promised. what He has revealed to all of us in His Word... and I am taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, choosing to stand firm in my faith, resist the devil who prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour, I hold my position because I know that He is fighting my battles and I do not need to... I just have to watch the Salvation of the Lord on my behalf...
the passing away of my mother last year has been tremendously painful, but it showed me something very profound as well....
if you are sure that you have been saved, if you know without a shadow of a doubt that you are His disciple, ( a little hint: if you keep my commandments , you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in His love. - Jesus )
then you can be sure of eternity with Him, and when we get there one day, all of the trouble that we for sure are facing while in this world will be forgotten and will not mean anything anymore... He Himself, the God of all grace has called us to His eternal glory and He will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish us.... when we finally meet Him face to face He will wipe away every tear and we will live with Him, praising Him forever...
so... take heart, our Saviour, our precious Jesus has overcome the World... He came to give us life abundantly, so that we would have joy to the full and peace... a peace that surpasses all understanding....
and I know that this is a FACT!
so let's entrust our souls to a faithful Creator, while doing good... no matter the circumstances, the world falling apart around us, no matter the suffering...
and represent Him well! It's what we are here for!
