no New Years resolutions ????

it's that time again... all the social media sites and all conversations seem to be centering on what will all be better next year... next year ... that's only 13 1/2 more hours ..
New Years resolutions...  was asked if I had any by a friend who knows me well...
she knew my answer before I even opened my mouth..

I have NONE!

I don't believe in New Years resolutions..
I don't believe in just because tomorrow's date will have a different number as the year, we need to come up with all those big ideas for change for the better...
I don't believe in all the many failures.. all the frustration that comes when all those new and lofty goals aren't being reached..

I just don't do it...

there is nothing wrong with making decisions to change things,
there is nothing wrong with new motivation to make better choices,
about food, exercising, traveling, seizing the moment. being kinder, working harder, saving more, enjoying more and all that..

I just don't get the hype..
aren't we always working on those things?
aren't we always called to improve?
shouldn't we take care of our relationships, bodies, health, finances etc at all times?

truth is...
we all have really good intentions.. at times.. we do get motivated.. and we get going.. we make ourselves get going... and we try.. try real hard.. and then something comes up and we fail..

truth is..
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.

I have seen it in myself and in others.. it is true.. we can't make it happen without Him helping us.

but if we do... if we surrender all those great things and changes and all that to Him.. if we rely on Him for everything, depend on Him, open our fists and let go of the control, if we open our hands and receive what it is He has for us.. then this is true:

 I can do all things through him who strengthens me..

that's the truth..
found in the Book, the Word He gave us, the Word He is.. the truth, that contains all we need for life and godliness.. it's all there right there at our fingertips..

so.. all those amazing resolutions .. they are all nice.. if I was forced and had to come up with one.. it would always be the same.. the new goal for every new day..

to know HIM more, to focus on HIM more, to follow HIM more, to serve HIM more..

there.. ok, there it is.. my right now and every tomorrow resolution.. by His grace and His strength..

..."God at Work" .... His purposeful goodness teaching us ...

when sharing some of my "God at work" story with my church family this Christmas I was a bit disappointed that some of the things that I think God has taught me through my trials didn't make it on the video.. how hard is it to condense one's life down to 5 minutes... ;)  ( our Worship pastor did an AMAZING job editing this video - so blessed by him )

this is one of them right here: ( wrote this 7 years ago, so very true still today )




"The blessings we enjoy are Divine deposits, committed to our trust on this condition, they be dispensed for the benefit of our neighbors." ( a tweet I saw )


 Blessings a deposit from God to be passed on... hmmmmm...

If I think of my children and the way they bless me, they make my heart overflow with love and this love then makes its way to others.. I am more considerate, caring and loving with those around me..
If I think of material blessings.. that's easy, not use this all for myself, but give and share with others that are not as fortunate..
Other blessings could be time, I have been blessed pretty much most of my life as a mother by the fact that I did not have to work outside the house but could be there for my children.. as they grew older I used the blessing of my free time to get involved in ministry at my church, blessing others with the time I had by investing in their lives.
Talents and skills are blessings that should be shared for the benefit of others... a beautiful voice or a talent for organizing events.. there are always opportunities to bless others with the gifts we have been given..


In short, I guess it comes down to one thing... we were made for community... we were made a certain way to fulfill a certain purpose, we are given certain skills, talents, opportunities  and blessings throughout our lives to share them with those around us.
The Sovereign God  has us in exactly the right place at the right time and we , like living stones are used to built His temple... in the community of our families, our churches, our schools, workplaces etc. There are no randoms in our lives... the blessings we receive are, like this tweet said it so well, Divine deposits... like everything we have, just given to us  for safekeeping and to be used for the furthering of the Kingdom...


There is nothing about anyone of us that is useless and random... there is no experience negative or positive that is not purposefully woven into the tapestry of our lives... we are not an island, we are part of a community, a family... a Kingdom...
We all are important and have significant roles to play... we are gifted and valued...


Since becoming a Christian so long ago I have been filled with gratitude and awe regarding this fact... I have rejoiced in the opportunities to serve and to pass on the blessing... how empty and hollow my life would have been had I just kept all those treasures to myself... It is a blessing to be able to share oneself with those around us.... God made us that way... we thrive when we share the deposits He makes into our lives....


As we are approaching a New Year I am excited about the opportunities this year will bring, opportunities to bless... and be blessed... to live a life in community with other believers and unbelievers... sharing all the blessings and in turn be blessed beyond anything I could ever wish for...


Be assured that the service opportunities are right there for you... just ask God to open your eyes.. He has you where you can make a difference for someone... share His love, be generous...... it is better to give than to receive.....

shouting my sins from the rooftops... say what?????

over the last few days I have been hearing something from my best friend, Jesus that is, He has been telling me I need to shout my sins from the rooftops....
living in an atmosphere of what seems to me a bit more judgemental ... I believe He wants me to be real and authentic and share the bad and the ugly
and I do not have a problem with that at all!


I am 53 years old.
my first 28 years I lived in Germany.
the next 23 years I lived in Canada.
the last 2 years and a bit I have been living in West Michigan.



the first 30 years of my life I was what I came to understand to be a "nominal" Christian ( someone who by association / tradition believes in God / Jesus etc. but has not personally encountered the Saviour )
the last 23 years and 5 months I have been walking in close fellowship with Him, who gave His life to save me, have been committed to becoming more and more who He wants me to be and spurned on by the gratitude for what He has done for me, I have chosen to stand firm on the truth He has been and continues to reveal to me through His Word.

one of the ways this works itself out in my life is that I have not hidden anything from those around me. having been accepted and forgiven by the God of the Universe I have no reason whatsoever to be too concerned about what others are thinking about me, I do not need to worry about approval of men since I have the only thing that counts already... the approval of God!

in the first 30 years of my life, for the most part trying to live up to moral standards taught to me by my parents and the society I lived in, I, as I later learned sinned quite a bit....

• sex outside marriage
• abortion
• divorce

I could tell you that my father was never around and when he was, he was not interested in me ( and that was the best case scenario )
I could tell you that I was sexually assaulted at age 15
I could tell you that my mother told me to not have sex as early as some of my friends ( as early as 14 ) and I listened, I was 20
I could tell you that I did not know that it was a sin to have sex outside of marriage
I could tell you that I got pregnant the first time I did... and I could tell you that again my beloved mother ( who also didn't understand any different, but thankfully met her Saviour 3 years before she passed away after a long battle with cancer a year and a half ago )  advised me to have an abortion, telling me that my life was just starting and this would never work.
I could tell you about the horrible depression I fell into right after, the guilt I felt for 10 years, the way this made me get married far too young for the worst reasons ( the need for a replacement baby - the need to find out if God would punish me by not being able to have a child )
l could tell you that believing the lie that it would be better for my children to have a peaceful life without their father than being in a family that wasn't working, was what informed my decision to leave my husband....
I could tell you that I didn't know that God hated divorce


all those things are true.
all those things are still my sins.

coming to Canada after my first attempt at grown-up life had failed, I met and in a matter of 3 months moved in with my new boyfriend, who, again, couldn't meet my needs, no surprises here, as I couldn't meet his, in my desperation I started praying to God to reveal Himself to me... I prayed every day for 6 months.. I remember exactly what I kept saying to Him... "there has to be more to you, to this life than this, than all I had learned about you in religious classes at school and catechism classes "( yes, I had to take those to be confirmed in the Lutheran church )

searching for Him in all the wrong places I am thankful that He never let me be satisfied with any of the counterfeit stuff like astrology, new age and other religions...

so then, when in June of 1994 he directed me to go to church with our neighbours and I heard the gospel preached for the very first time, I couldn't stop crying and the overwhelming joy of meeting Him and realizing what He had done for me has never left me since.

I got involved in Small group right away and a few months later I lead my first Bible Study... I have served in all kinds of different ministries, have been a Women's Ministry director, a Biblical Counselor, the Director of a Pregnancy Center, Adult Sunday School coordinator, Worship team singer, Mission team member and so much more.

God blessed me with a church family that loved me and when my second husband left me, supported me and showed me the love of Christ.
I was blessed by Elders and staff that cheered me on and made it possible for me to follow the calling God gave me to open a Pregnancy Center ... sharing my testimony about my abortion in front of my whole church at our Grand Opening was something I felt I could do, since God asked me to, and, believe it or not, had forgiven me for....

I did not choose my family. I did not choose my circumstances. the culture I was born into.
but I did choose to sin.

my sins nailed Jesus to the cross
my "big" sins and my "small" sins...
He paid for them all

I wish I hadn't made those choices, but I know also that because I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am a sinner in desperate NEED of a SAVIOUR, I am in a great place.
I know that I cannot live my life in any way that is pleasing to Him without Him being the One who does that through me.
I know that I am depending on Him for EVERYTHING.
I know that I am not contributing anything.
I am eternally grateful for His forgiveness and the new life He has given me.
I am relying on Him for all that I need
and I love Him, so much, that I do not even know what to do with it at times
I love Him so much that doing the hard stuff, the forgiving and loving anyways is a no brainer for me.
I am thankful that what I and others in my life meant for evil , He from the beginning of the world meant for good and that He in His most wonderful sovereignty is working it all out for HIS GLORY..
and, ultimately even for my best.

I don't deserve Him, and what He did for me and that's why this is my life motto:

SOLI DEO GLORIA

You are the Lord of my tomorrows

a question from yesterday's Bible study: 

when facing trials and tribulations.... do you trust God.. do you believe He is trustworthy, do you believe that He is good??????????

looking back on the 23 years of being a Christ follower I have indeed come to know Him as trustworthy, have come to know Him as loving, gracious, full of mercy and GOOD... all the time..

I have come to know Him in the midst of my trials, when my husband cheated and walked away, when my mother got so very sick, when a lawsuit was filed against me that would have destroyed and taken away all my worldly goods, when the dysfunction and sorrow caused by my extended family reached new heights... 

I met Him when what I was hoping for did not come true. when frantic prayers were not answered the way I wanted them to be...

when the marriage did come to an end, when my mother succumbed to the cancer that could not be stopped, when more and more abuse was heaped on top of what was already there...

when I found out that my hope is not in changing circumstances but in Him, and that He, and that is the most wonderful thing, will never change...

I now know Him to be worthy of my trust. I know that all He ever orchestrates or allows is the very best for me...

facing new and troubling scenarios I ( after first still getting frazzled and afraid ) I choose to think about that which is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, anything that is excellent and praiseworthy... knowing that the Lord is near, I choose to rejoice and give Him all my requests by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving and His peace floods my heart and my mind.... and it is all because of Him....

I have come to know that I am in the best place when I am weak, when I know that I cannot control anything and surrender it all to Him, because in my weakness He is strong, He is glorified the most... 

I have no good thing apart from my Lord, and only because of Him do I have fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore.

remembered this song from 7 years ago.... and it is still so very true:

Here I am a sinner

Broken and in need of You

Take my life and wash my fears away

For You are the Great I AM

Rest assured, I feel Your hand

Holding me until the darkness clears

A Father to the fatherless

Redeemer of my soul

My Life is Yours forever

I want the world to know

Your mercy saved me

Mercy made me whole

Your mercy found me

Called me as Your own

Here I stand a child of Yours

Broken and in need of You

Break these chains and wash my guilt away

Healer of my brokenness

My weary soul will find its rest

You are my strength, the lifter of my head

You're greater than my yesterdays

You hold me close today

You're the Lord of my tomorrows

My heart will always say

You're greater than my yesterdays

You hold me close today

You're the Lord of my tomorrows

My heart will always say

You called me as Your own

Thank You for Your mercy

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,

    to the soul who seeks him.

Lamentations: 3:25

The Lord is good to all,

    and his mercy is over all that he has made.

Psalm 145:9

repaid according to my mess ups???

today is a new day. 

a glorious day.

yesterday's broken moments do not have to define my today.

His mercies are new.

so is His grace.

so is His love

He won't deal with me according to my sins,

He will not repay me according to my mess ups

so I don't have to either.

sin done against me yesterday 

doesn't have to ( and really shouldn't ) be carried into my new day.

be angry and do not sin. do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil.

forgive, because you have been forgiven.

so today,

it most definitely holds enough worries of its own,

no need to still carry yesterdays worry and hurt.

someone hurt me yesterday

and he shouldn't have

but because of what Jesus has done for me,

I can ( and have to ) let it go.

instead of dwelling on past hurts 

I can press on. 

I might not even want to, but I need to.

fixing my eyes on Him who gives me all that I need at all times

and live in a manner worthy of my calling.

called to be loving unconditionally.

NO CONDITIONS

love because He first loved me.

living He loved me

dying He saved me

buried He carried my sins far away

rising, He justified freely forever

one day He's coming

oh glorious day !

no matter the struggles - entrusting my soul

this last few days I have been reading through many of my old blog posts from 7 years ago and I have been reminded of a couple of things...

one is, how hard it was. another is how amazing God is. and yet another one how blessed I am today.

many of the things that were hard right after my husband left our family for good have changed for the better, many are still hard. new losses have occurred and things that looked a certain way are looking different now.

the one thing that has not changed is that the One who was there to help me through this very dark and tumultuous time is the same today as He was then. He actually has always and will always be the same.

how cool is that?

His love for me is the same today, yup, and I do hope that I am following Him closer now, that He has indeed changed me and made me more like Him in the last 7 years... but even if I hadn't changed much and even when I do struggle still today, He loves me the same He did when He first opened my eyes to see me for who I was and when I saw Him clearly for the very first time..  and my need for His salvation, the forgiveness of my sins, past, present and future...

walking with Him today looks different at times, yet He still meets all my needs.

losing my mother was / is hard, seeing some of my very loved ones walking away more and more...
having had to leave behind the ministry God gave me and finding my way in a new place, with new people, different dynamics and different hang ups... not that easy at times.. encountering scary things like the prospect of losing all my earthly belongings, immigration issues, hard hard stuff happening in the life of a loved one... all this has kept me on my knees, desperate for Him, with the need  to know Him even more, to search His scriptures and to hold on to them...

committed to walking in a manner worthy of the Lord's calling I have had to dig deep at times.. when He called me to love the one that has caused so much heartache to me and others, I found myself struggling, walking rather discouraged and subdued He showed me that nothing could take my joy away.. that when I didn't really feel any joy much in my daily existence, when discouragement seemed to be far too big to be dealt with He told me to look at Galatians 5... the passage about the flesh and the Spirit... memorizing it all I chose to stand on the truth that joy, like love, peace, patience,  kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control are fruit of the Spirit who lives in me.. and that made me think:

He lives in me. this fruit it mine. it is there for the living, for the taking. I don't have to jump through some hoops and somehow ramp up my walk as a Christian... He is in me.

memorizing Psalm 16 helped as well.... the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance... for He makes known to me the path of life, in His presence there is FULLNESS of JOY, at His right hand there are pleasures forevermore.....

when my circumstances and the resulting feelings want to make me feel like Eeyore under that black cloud, and let's face it, this has been my go to place by nature, I instead will recall from memory what He has promised. what He has revealed to all of us in His Word... and I am taking my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, choosing to stand firm in my faith, resist the devil who prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour, I hold my position because I know that He is fighting my battles and I do not need to... I just have to watch the Salvation of the Lord on my behalf...

the passing away of my mother last year has been tremendously painful, but it showed me something very profound as well....

if you are sure that you have been saved, if you know without a shadow of a doubt that you are His disciple, ( a little hint: if you keep my commandments , you will abide in my love,  just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in His love. - Jesus )
then you can be sure of eternity with Him, and when we get there one day, all of the trouble that we for sure are facing while in this world will be forgotten and will not mean anything anymore... He Himself, the God of all grace has called us to His eternal glory and He will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish us.... when we finally meet Him face to face He will wipe away every tear and we will live with Him, praising Him forever...

so... take heart, our Saviour, our precious Jesus has overcome the World... He came to give us life abundantly, so that we would have joy to the full and peace... a peace that surpasses all understanding....


and I know that this is a FACT!

so let's entrust our souls to a faithful Creator, while doing good... no matter the circumstances, the world falling apart around us, no matter the suffering...
and represent Him well! It's what we are here for!